One Step Forward, Two Back, One Step Forward in Mid-Strike

Happy New Year!

I love the sound of 2014. :) Just sounds better than 2013. Let's make it live up to its expectations! :)

Sooo, I WAS back. For a day. Felt great after all that yummy healthy food and tons of exercise, and then life.... The day after I got back I was walking the dogs and they saw another dog coming and went crazy. They don't like other 4-legged friends. I was off my game since I hadn't walked them for 2 weeks. Instead of standing still and letting them do their thing, and then get out of dodge. I tried to walk while they were doing their thing, we all got tangled, and I went down hard in the middle of the street. Right on the OTHER knee! I tell you. Someone does not want me to have sexy knees when I lose this weight. :( I cut up my hands, knee hurt like heck, but nothing seemed broken. I continued to sit there for 10 minutes to get my wits about me. I finally stood up and had to continue walking them. That was not fun. As soon as I got home I ice'd it and took advil. Thank gosh, it didn't turn out like the other knee, which I still (a year later) have not recovered from! Yeah, it was the casualty of Christmas Card writing! Hmm, I since a theme here. Can I skip December in 2014? So, this kind of put a damper on my continued exercise regime and the racing around getting all of Christmas done in 1 day. :( I sat on the couch for the next 24 hours nursing the knee. I mustered up the energy to do a little necessary shopping, went to a movie that had recliner chairs, and then headed to Christmas Eve. It was nice. Good food, so fun to see the family. The next day was just hubby and me! We have not had a Christmas Day by ourself ever, so that was nice. We ordered Mimi's Turkey Dinner and pumpkin pie and it was delicious. I was going to go to the gym the next day, but I'm not sure what happened. I didn't. Things started to unravel from there. Started having bad stomach pain and GI issues. This went on for several days. I finally went to Urgent Care, thinking it was probably diverticulitis (and would need antibiotics). The dr wasn't sure it was, but ordered tests, but no ct. Said if it got worse, to come back. Well, by Monday it had gotten worse. A whole lot worse!! The most horrific GI issues I've ever had and it just wouldn't stop. I hadn't eaten or drank anything in days. Finally, I went back to Urgent Care yesterday. The tests had all come back, and were negative. No parasites or e.coli. He ordered a ct scan. Actually, no diverticulitis either. What?! Then what the heck is going on. Well, the pain was most likely do to a ruptured ovarian cyst they saw on ct. Huh?! Didn't expect that one. Okay, but what about the GI issues? Probably just horrible IBS. Are you kidding me?

So, was told to start eating low fiber white stuff (rice, bread, bananas), take Immodium. I did. Oh my heck. 2 hours later last night I thought I was on death's door. Immense stomach pain and now the opposite GI issue. Good grief. I thought we'd be headed to the ER before long. It finally subsided after an hour, and I was able to lie down and go to sleep. Today, well today has been slightly better, but not hugely improved. This is so frustrating. I'm supposed to go back to work tomorrow after my long and restful vacation!  Well, at least half of it was.  Thanks to hubby for being nurse, housecleaner, dog walker, and everything else on his few days that he had off!  Guess I can consider that his pay back for the 40th bday Vegas disaster. :)

As for 2014 goals and WW, I'm taking it one day at a time right now. Not really eating "healthy" as I can't have much fiber, but I'm not eating junk or very much either. I'll get back to the gym when I feel able to, hopefully next week. But again, one day at a time for now.

I hope your 2014 is off to a GREAT start!

Cheers,

Jessica

I'm Back!!! :) :)

Season's Greetings Y'All!
Oh my gosh it feels like it has been forever since I've been on here!  Well, it has been.  Basically Oct/Nov/Dec were up and down and all over the place for me.  I had gained 15 lbs back (man, it sure doesn't take long!!) and was going into December not seeing any end in sight.  I was really really having a tough time and I was binging again.  Not good.  But, I recognized that and knew I needed to take some serious action before it got too too much worse.  At the same time, I realized I had 144 hours of vacation time of which 100 needed to be used by 12/31.  So, I scrambled to try to find a wellness retreat/resort I could go to, to start breaking the bad cycle I was in.  I really wanted to go to Rancho La Puerta in Mexico, but they were booked all of Nov/Dec.  I then found Red Mountain Resort in Utah which looked great.  Only problem was, it was difficult to get to (plane plus 3 hour drive) and it was going to be way too COLD!!!  No way.  I needed something semi not winterish. :)  Then, I stumbled upon Shane Fitness Resort in San Antonio, Texas.  I knew nothing about it, but I asked a lot of questions, and it seemed like what I needed.  A getaway with structure, no Starbucks, no desserts, and lots of fitness!

Well, I just got back from an 11 day stay there!  Wow, it was great.  I really needed this and it did exactly what I needed it to do.  I broke the binge cycle!  The food was so clean and healthy, and fantastically good!  Amazing how you feel when you don't put crap in your body.  I ate salads twice a day with meals, tons of fruit, complex carbs, and good lean protein.  No diet soda or sweets.  No sweeteners or preservatives.  Only natural stuff went into this body!  I also limited the caffeine to 1 cup of coffee in the am, 1 cup of tea in the afternoon.  And then 80 oz of water a day.  And now for the fitness part.  OH MY GOSH!!!!  We did 3 workouts a day of 1-2 hours each.  I didn't know I had it in me to do this!  We did circuit training, boot camps, hikes, treadmill intervals, and we walked Walked WALKED everywhere!!!!!!  The resort was HUGE.  I have never walked so much getting from one place to the next.  I opted for no elevators, and took the stairs the whole time. I was sweating so much, I had to shower twice a day and change my shirt twice.  It was nuts!  By Day 2, I thought I had been hit by a truck.  Every muscle fiber in my body was screaming.  It finally calmed down by about Day 5 and I wasn't as sore.  I even did 3 miles today before I left to catch my plane!  My biggest success is that I have never run before.  It's so weird, but I don't know how!  I've tried a few times and it feels awful, is weird, I can't describe it.  I was mentally freaked out by it.  The trainer worked with me, and by the end I was able to jog some intervals. :)  Now, to try it on the treadmill which also totally freaks me out!

The Shane Fitness Resort was like having a private trainer and nutritionist by your side.  The ladies were awesome!  So caring, knowledgeable, fun, and just fantastic people.  There was only 1 other woman in the program with me, so it was just all around great!  There were also a few behavior classes, cooking classes, and clothes styling.  The other woman had been 3 weeks.  I will definitely consider going back next December again as the holidays are my most difficult time ever!!  Oh, and I came back 6 lbs lighter and several inches smaller!!  I FEEL GREAT!!! :)

While I was there, I read a really great book by Deepak Chopra called What Are You Hungry For.  For anyone that struggles with weight or food issues, I cannot recommend this book enough!  It has been a really wonderful read with lots of good, sound insights.

Finally, over the past several months I found a new OB/GYN and a holistic practitioner that specialized in women's issues.  I had been having a lot of very weird random symptoms over the past year and after talking to a friend (thanks T!) and doing some internet searches, I was pretty certain I was in peri-menopause.  I finally saw these doctors (who were great!) and they ordered a bunch of tests.  Low and behold, I am very low in DHEA, low in testosterone, not converting thyroid well, still very anemic, and low in Vitamin D.  Guess, what?  Yep, in peri-menopause.  Whoopie!!!!!  Welcome to the 40's.  I have a follow up appointment tomorrow with the doctor, so I will find out all the lovely supplements I must start.  Anything to help me feel better and be able to lose weight.

Well, now it's time to crazily get ready for Christmas in 2 days.  Yikes!  Hope you all are doing very well.  I may not be getting Christmas cards out in time this year, so if not - Wishing you a very Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!  I cherish each and every one of you, and value our friendship!!  I hope the new year brings you much joy, happiness, good health, success, and prosperity!

It is good to be back.... for good this time! :)  Love and hugs to you all!

Cheers,

Jessica

The Good, Bad, and Ugly of this Journey. I'm Climbing out of the Ugly...

Well, I did it.  I got wayyyyyyyyyyyy off track!  And I can't even blame the holidays…. because they haven't even happened yet.  Yikes!!  One month of binge eating and not caring can really do some serious damage.  Up 10+ lbs. :(  I say 10+ because it was 10 last week at WI and I'm not going today.  I know I should, but I just can't.  I can't bring myself to see the new number (and I need rest still).  Instead, I made a pact that I would start tracking again, blogging, and go for a walk - TODAY.  Tomorrow, will be even more of an on plan day.  Baby steps.

I know what happened and I've learned a lot (MORE) about myself, yet again. Those dang frequent learning opportunities!!  What blindsided me is that I actually made it through the planned happenings pretty okay (conference, trip, meeting, vacation).  It was the sort of sudden, train has left the station with no brakes thinking, that the 1 week during all the other planned happenings needed to be filled with um… (not relaxing and being on track) but buying a new car.  Yep, buying a new car started my spiral out of control.  Who would have thought.  Well, I should have.  It was that same sort of stressful situation mixed with heightened emotions that got me in this 286 lb mess to begin with (i.e. planning a wedding, buying a house, selling a condo, adding 2 dogs to our family).  Before I knew it, I was at the donut shop buying 6 donuts and Sees Candy buying a box of truffles, at that was only the beginning.  Holy heck.  What did add to this car buying stress, is that they completely messed up my financing and it took a week to settle.  I was also extremely fatigued and feeling really crappy post return from vacation.  Every day was getting a little bit worse. Good excuses to need massive amounts of Starbucks drinks and takeout food, and not go to the gym!

ED (eating disorder) LOVES excuses!  Every day I felt a bit worse, and let's see, today it would be helped by Thai…. the next day Mexican…. the next day burger, shake, and fries, etc.  Now I was caught in the trap.  The trap that yes I started feeling crappy for some unknown reason, but now I'm SURE the food was perpetuating this crappiness and making it even worse.  Enough excuses, and I finally dragged myself to urgent care this week.  Well, I was exhausted because I was seriously dehydrated.  Hmm, all that caffeine I was adding, well that sure didn't help.  They gave me a bag of IV fluids and I stayed home the next day and drank electrolyte water and gatorade.  I also had a local infection and a bit of a cold. Explains the crappiness.  I've been on the antibiotics 2 days now and I am starting to feel a bit better.  Taking it easy this weekend for the most part so that I can feel better, get my head on straight, and get back on track.

As I was once told, with disordered eating, it is not if you slip but what happens when.  Because, it will happen.  Not once, not twice, but many times.  As soon as you have caught yourself, you do the next right thing.  And then, the next right thing after that.  And after that, and after that….  Pretty soon, you've picked yourself up, dusted off, and started down the road again.  

Sure, it's not fun losing and gaining the same 10 lbs, etc. again and again.  It's definitely not ideal.  But, it is still better than, and a long ways away from being all the way back where you started.  This journey may be 1 year, it may take 5 or 10 years.  Who knows.  But as long as I'm on it, it means I'm alive and breathing and there is another day to see the sunset and another day to make a fresh start (and get out of the ugly!)

Cheers to that!

Jessica

Hitting the Re-Set Button!

Hello There,

Happy Fall!  I love saying that.  Now if the weather would just get a little bit cooler!  Well, I survived the last 2 weeks.  I'm sooOO happy that is over.  Things all went well for the most part, but I'm worn out.  The 3 day meeting was a lot of sitting and eating.  And eating and sitting.  I did well the first day.  Even took a long walk at Seaport Village. But the second day, it was all over.  They had amazing food.  Not typical catering food, but the Manchester Grand Hyatt Restaurant food!  Even a freaking candy bar with all my favorites!  I did avoid any alcohol to not complicate matters.  But, man, I was hyped up on coffee and espresso beans.  Each night I got home around 10pm and then had to work because I had a deadline amongst all this.  As soon as the meeting was over Saturday, I went straight to the gym and did a 5K.  My WI for that week had me gaining 2.4 lbs.  Yikes.  I had gained 0.8 lbs the week before.  So, I was really worried about what was still to come.

The next few days were crazy at work, but I was able to be back on plan.  Did some very long workouts each night, which I think saved my butt for the next week of insanity.  My colleague and I then headed to Madison, Wisconsin for a vendor meeting.  What a cute college capitol town!  I loved it.  Again, I did well the first day of travel.  Packed my lunch, ate a healthy breakfast, but had Mac and Cheese (with cheese curds, buffalo chicken) for dinner.  Yeah, that pretty much set the tone for the next few days.  Cheese Curds galore!!  They were raw, they were broiled, they were fried in vodka batter.  They were even on the healthy beet salad we ordered.  They were everywhere!!  The second night, I had, yep, Mac and Cheese again but with Pulled Pork.  Lunches were not light either.  It was more pasta and tons of desserts.  WW, healthy eating, what's that??!!  Yeah, I pretty much lost my mind and what I was supposed to be doing.  Even went for the regular Coke, M&Ms at night in the hotel room.  It was like every bad habit I had (and had gotten rid of) had come back!  It was even topped off with a dinner stop at Jack in the Box the night I flew back.  Say what??!!!  I felt soo horrible and ill.  I was very happy to get back on plan Saturday.  In fact, I got up pretty early and went straight to the gym.  Walked 4 miles!!  I was starting to not feel so ill anymore.  I went to my WW meeting and was really dreading what was about to happen.  I vowed I would not let it get me down, but we would hit the re-set button.  Much to my crazy surprise, I lost 0.2 lbs.  Huh??!!!  Seriously??!!  I was surely expecting a gain of about 5.  I'll take it!!  I think all the exercise I did before I left and the 4 miles helped things.  Now to be back on track for the next 3 weeks before I leave again to Virginia.  This I do promise needs to be a better attempt at balancing health with food enjoyment.  My hubby will be with me, so I think it will be slightly easier to help keep each other on track.  Plus, a lot of walking will be involved!

Sooo very proud of hubby!  He hit a big goal, and has lost 52 lbs so far. :) :)  He looks good and is catching up to me!  Well, it's time to shuffle off to the gym again.  Just taking it easy today and catching up on house stuff.  TOM has arrived, so that makes the next few days oh so fun.  NOT!! :(  Just glad it didn't grace me with its presence during the trip and hopefully it will bypass the VA trip as well.  I have another all day offsite meeting this week with catered food all day, so will opt to eat breakfast at home and skip the dessert.  Need to make this a good week and get back on the losing train!

I hope you all have an awesome and successful week!!

Cheers,

Jessica :)

Yellow Caution Tape Up - Brutal 2 Weeks Ahead

Hello All!

How are you on this fine Sunday evening?!  Me, I'm beat... exhausted..... toast.... fried... tuckered.... washed up..... spent.... empty...... you get it!  I'm officially in the brutal days and weeks of September.  I apologize in advance if you don't hear from me much until the end of September! :(  We have a big 3 day 15 hour/day work meeting this Thur/Fri/Sat downtown at the Manchester Grand Hyatt.  Which will probably be filled with pretty crazy long days leading up to Thursday.  Then, I go to Wisconsin for 3 days for work following that.  Just hope I can get in some exercise somewhere and stay decently on plan the next 14 days.  I've worked too hard to slip and gain a bunch.  The reality is, I probably won't lose over these 2 weeks.  So, my motto is: Minimize the damage the next 2 weeks.

Last night I was not looking too forward to the plans I had.  One of those things that sounded okay at the time, but was turning into being not so fun.  Rarely do I go into something not looking forward to it and just wanting it to be over, but last night was one of those times.  But, I was pleasantly surprised. :)  It turned out better than I had anticipated, kind of fun, and I was able to stay on plan for the most part.  That was a big worry! I'm glad we went.  But, I'm also glad I didn't cut my workout short yesterday so we could be on time.  Was able to still get in a 5K and only be 20 mins late.  Was worth it!

Today, I stayed in bed until 9:30am.  What???!!!!!  Yeah, that's crazy for me.  I'm usually out of bed walking the dogs by 7am.  I just couldn't get up.  When I finally did, I was so out of it and dopey.  After an hour or so, I dragged myself to the gym.  Was really tired but I don't know what it is about exercise - as soon as I start, all the tiredness is sucked out of me and I'm in athlete mode. :)  I ended up doing 20 min fast hill interval walk, 15 min elliptical, then back on the treadmill for another 30 min hill interval walk, followed by an extra 10 minutes so I could finish watching the Chargers game.  Yay!!!!  They actually pulled it off and WON!! :)  Oh man, I was sore when I was done.  So what do I do?  I go to the strip mall, park at one end, and walk clear to the other side to the grocery store, back to the car.  Then the bank, back to the car.  Then Starbucks, back to the car.  Did I forget that somewhere I said I was freaking tired and SORE!!!  Geesh.... I got home and was a vegetable on the couch for an hour before we had to leave again to drive to my nephew's bday dinner.  That was nice.  It was great to see everyone, been way too long!  Was able to avoid the chips, fabulous queso, and margs to stay on plan.  I'm learning and it's getting easier to focus on the people and conversation versus the food when eating out.  At these events, IT IS NOT JUST ABOUT THE FOOD! :)

So, for WI this weekend.  I was up 0.8 lbs.  Not sure what that was totally about, but I could tell I was having fluid issues again this week.  Ankles swollen. :( At our offsite meeting Thursday I did indulge in the dessert they served, some incredible caramel apple bread pudding pie thing with creme fraiche drizzle.  It was definitely worth all the pts!  Oh well, moving on to this week.  Hubby lost 1 lb.  He's now 1 lb from 50 lbs lost!!  So excited for him.

Well, it's time to get this weary girl to bed.  Hope you had a wonderful weekend and aren't having as brutal days of September!  Have a fabulous week and be kind to yourself and others. :)

Cheers,

Jessica

She Shoots, She Scores!!!! Goal!!!! :)

Happy Saturday y'all!

Oh my heck it is still freaking hot and humid in San Diego!  We've had the AC on 24/7 at home, the car, and at work.  Can't wait to see this electric bill!! :(  I hear it's supposed to break early next week.  Thank Heavens!!!  Hope it lasts for awhile.  I actually broke out the shorts today! :)

I can tell you though, I feel so much better right now going through this heat wave and being 60 lbs lighter!  YEP, I said 60!! :)  I lost that 0.2 lbs last week and then some!  1.6 lbs to be exact. :)  Soooo thrilled!  So, 61.4 lost since Jan and 70 since last year. I'm also only 2 lbs away from being half way through what I need to lose in total.  Plug in Bon Jovi song here.....Woah  Ohhhh, I'm half way there!!!!  Woah Ohhhhh!!!  :)

I really didn't know what would happen at WI today.  TOM is in town so I've eaten more points than normal.  I've had way more caffeine then water and I'm retaining fluids like crazy!  I did work out a lot this week though.  Got 34 activity points which is my most yet!  Did 2 5K's last weekend and an extra workout last night.  Thank gosh for big industrial fans at the gym!!!  Hubby had a great loss too, 1.6 lbs gone!! :)  He is so close to being down 50 lbs!  T had a great WI too and got her 10%!  Soooo happy for you!!  You are doing it girl!  And J, holy cow, just caught up with her and she is just 13 lbs away from Lifetime GOAL!!  Amazing!!  It is soo inspiring and encouraging to be around all these folks reaching for their goals and taking charge of their health.  Now is the time!!!  If you haven't started but want to, it's a great time to join WW.  One month free!  Let's do it together!

Also, for those of you interested in joining me and some friends - we will be celebrating my birthday by doing the Iron Girl 5K on December 8th in Del Mar.  Looking forward to this!  I can give you a discount code for joining our group, so just let me know if you are interested.  This one is just for the girls. :)

Well, not doing too much this weekend.....again!  Just surviving the heat, going to the gym, and relaxing.  I have a crazy next weekend and 2 weeks after that, so just enjoying the downtime right now.

Hope your September is off to a good start!  September is the new January, a great time to make new commitments and goals or strengthen current ones before the holiday months hit!  What will you do different this year to get through the holidays in one piece with less padding added?! :)

Cheers,

Jessica

I'm a TEEN Again!!! :)

Greetings from Florida!  Well, not really.  But, San Diego has been Florida West this week.  Ugh!!!  Sooo stinking hot and humid.  HUMID and gross!  It doesn't sound like it is going to end anytime soon. :(  This weather makes me want to do NOTHING!  Even the dogs can't stand it.  We open the front door, and they are like....Oh HELL No!  We'll hold it mom and dad.  Yeah, sure you will!

I had a horrible night sleep last night.  I stayed up until 12:30am on the computer.  I finally dragged myself to bed and the girls heard me, jumped up, and wanted to get into bed.  Okay, fine.  We climb into bed and I'm in a great sleep, for about an hour. When one of them jumps off the bed.  Then starts growling, because she wants to get on the bed!  I get up, help her.  Back on the bed we go.  About 20 mins later, I hear dogs around the neighborhood barking.  I'm like, oh great.  Please don't hear them.  Tooooo late!  Both jump off the bed, running around the room, barking and woofing.  Back on the bed.  Let's jump off again, cause this is fun to keep making mommy get up at 2am!  This goes on for another hour.  I finally fall asleep, they are calm, and then they hear hubby get up to use the bathroom.  Oh heck, off the bed and here we go again!  I finally told hubby you deal with them, and I went out on the couch and tried to sleep a little more.  At 6am he finally walked them, now they were happy as apple pie!  Mommy goes back to bed, only to "oversleep" and be rushed for the 8am grooming appointment.  Oy vey!  Girls, please let mommy sleep tonight or there will be deadly consequences!

Sooo, had a GREAT WI today!!! :)  I lost 4.4 lbs!  Woo hoo!  I am 0.2 lbs away from having lost 60 lbs since January.  That also pushed me over an interim goal and now I'm a TEEN again!!!  I have not seen the two teens since 2008!  217.  I like the sounds of that.  It is totally doable to be below 200 by the end of the year, which makes me SUPER EXCITED!!!  Hubby had a good WI too, down 0.8 lbs. :)  I've been mixing up my workouts a bit, 40-60 mins of different interval walking on the treadmill at between 3.0 and 3.5 mph and 2% and 6% incline.  I throw in some elliptical for 10 mins when I'm bored.  To celebrate today, I headed straight to the gym and did a 5K.  Thank gosh for air conditioning and BIG industrial fans!!  I have made a pack with myself that when I hit 200, I will start focusing on weight training more.  You see, I HATE weights.  I don't know why, but I really find it soooOO boring.  I can walk for hours, but do weights for 20 mins and somebody shoot me!

I hope you are enjoying a wonderful holiday and long weekend!!  I'm going to be sure to get some more relaxing in, as I have a crazy September coming up with work travel, big offsite meetings, etc.  I just want to get through this month in one piece.  Then it's time for some fun in October with not 1 but 2 BON JOVI concerts and a conference in Virginia followed by a weeks vacation with hubby to see DC for the first time.  It's all good............ :)

Cheers to you and hope you are keeping on track and reaching for your goals!

Jessica