Saturday, May 25, 2013

Goodbye 40's, Hello 30's! :) Yay for the long weekend!

Happy Memorial Day Weekend to you all! First, thank you to all of you have served, are serving, or have lost someone who has served.  We honor and remember each of you!

Last week was a loonnnnnnng week.  So it seemed.  It was a decent week but for some reason I woke up 3 days in a row at 5am.  WHY????!!!!!!  Even did it again this morning, on a Saturday!  Ugh, hope this is not a new trend!  Soo, I'm a wee bit tired.  Have plans to see several movies this weekend, catch up with some friends, do errands, and definitely get some workouts in.  I hope you all are enjoying your weekend so far!

I had a nice surprise of a weigh in today.  I honestly didn't expect much since TOM was in town.  I always feel so yuk then, so I really can't tell if I've lost or gained.  But, I lost 3.6 lbs!!! :)  That put me out of the 240's and into the 230's, 239.6 to be exact! :)  So, down a total of 38 lbs since January and 48 lbs since last year.  Wow!  It feels good!  Hubby had a great weigh in too, down 3 lbs for a total of 27 lbs. :)  Friends had good weigh in's today too and I was soo excited to welcome a dear friend back!  You go girl, you can do it!! :)  This is so fun to have so many of us on this journey to health, and succeeding!

I celebrated with a friend today for her birthday and decided to indulge in Sprinkles Cupcakes - only 1, Chocolate Peanut Butter. :)  I ate that thing sooo slow, savored every bite, and it was perfection!! :)  But oh heck, I actually kind of feel sick now.  No, this can't be!!  Perhaps my body can't handle this much sugar?!  I'm still glad I spent all 15 points on it, cause that was a worthwhile point hog! haha! :)  Gotta have some food enjoyment in life on this journey! :)

Okay, time to put this tired girl to bed.  Enjoy your weekend!

Sunday, May 19, 2013

Made it Through the Week................

Hi Everyone!
I hope you are enjoying a beautiful weekend!  It is sunny, breezy, and pretty warm here.  No May Gray lately!  So, last week was a tough week. :(  Monday and Tuesday were by far the worst in learning and dealing with my friend's passing.  I went through so many emotions, a state of shock, a brain shut down, overwhelming numbness/dead feeling, and an incredible urge to binge on Sprinkle's cupcakes.  But, I used every tool and skill in my arsenal that I have learned the past year and I rode it out.  Felt every bit of it.  Let it passed as it needed to.  Took care of myself.  Did a lot of "parenting" and self-talk.  Leaned on friends and shut down emotionally some too.  And it all SUCKED!  That was not fun being endured without medicating with food!!!  But on the other hand, I DID IT!!!  I survived!  I know what it is like now, it can be done, I learned some valuable things, and I think the next time a difficult situation arises it might just be a little better since I've been down that path now before.  

I miss my friend "P".  But, as the days went on, I was able to work through the anger, the sadness, the questioning, and come more to acceptance and understanding.  I am also happy to say that we will be having a small celebration of life for her at her house with her husband in a few weeks, so that gives me peace and a sense of closure.  Her husband also finally reached out to me, which I know had to have been extremely hard.  Each day will get a little easier....for all of us.

So, the scale agreed with me at WI that I was able to get through the week successfully! :)  I lost 1.4 lbs.  Yeah!  Hubby lost 0.8 lbs.  We are still going strong, working the plan, and looking forward to being even lighter and healthier!  Been getting some compliments lately which is VERY nice and motivating. :) :)

I kind of fell off the wagon this past week with eating vegetables.  Went for more the carbs, processed foods.  Although, I did pretty good on the water!  I had some good workouts at the gym.  Even made a personal best of breaking the 20 min mile!  I'm a pretty slow walker (short, short legs, short stride!), so that was huge to be 19 min! :)  I also had to climb several flights of stairs at work and friend's houses this past week and noticed it didn't even phase me.  No gasping for air at the top. :)  Yay!!!

Here's to a good week and wishing all of you the same!  Reach for your goals and if you get side-tracked, pick the path back up right where you left off!!


Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Soooo Many Things Running Through My Head and Body........

Well, the last 24 hours have rocked me to my core. I'm sick to my stomach.  I'm numb. I'm anxious. I'm sooo horribly sad. I'm angry. My mind can't grasp the new reality. I have so many questions that will go unanswered. I have regret in that I didn't do more, wasn't there more. I have guilt for feeling angry and sad, because maybe this is what she wanted. I have fear because this was exactly my nightmare of how I would never want things to happen. How does someone's 40+ years of life come down to just this. Life can be so cruel and yet everyday is a gift to be grateful for. I haven't had this many emotions running through me in a very long time.

My friend/co-worker "P" was diagnosed with Stage IV breast cancer last year.  I knew it didn't sound good. We both worked on Cancer Clinical Trials for our job.  But, from day 1 she fought and never let me think otherwise. She was so stoic. She had just started a new job when she was diagnosed. She continued to work thru all the radiation, surgery, and chemo. She even worked overtime! She sold her house, had a new house built, and moved.  Even brought me her outdoor patio furniture!  She only took 2 months off at Christmas when she needed full time oxygen. But, then she got better. Went back to work, started exercising, went to plays with me, and visited friends who also had cancer. She was always very concerned about my issues and well being, as I was in a bad place right when she was going through all of this. I couldn't be there for her as much as I wanted to be, which bothered me. She then had the follow up scan in Mar, and got news she didn't hope for. It had spread more. They ordered a 2nd treatment of chemo. She really really didn't want this. Out of all the issues with having "C", her biggest bummer was losing her hair. She was soo devastated about that. But I got her the name of a great wig place and hair dresser that specialized in medical hair loss (because unfortunately I have several other friends going through "C" as well). She was much more relaxed.  Her hair had just grown back from the previous treatment, and now she was going to have to lose it again. This was the first inkling that I got, a few months ago, that she was sad and really didn't want to do this. But she would. I got a call from her 2 weeks ago saying she needed to sell our play ticket because a friend was giving her the opportunity to use her cabin that same weekend. I could tell it was something she really wanted to do, needed to do, with her husband. I found someone to buy the ticket, texted her, and she was so grateful. I said to have a great time at the cabin! A few days later I texted her to say hi and have fun. I didn't hear from her. Okay. A few days went by and now I was thinking this was odd. That is not like her. Maybe she's busy getting ready for the trip. So, I opted to wait until Mon after the trip to text again and say I hope she had fun and when could we meet so I could give her the ticket money. Again, days went by. This was really not like her. I had this feeling something was wrong. But I didn't think "C", strangely I thought maybe they got in an accident. I watch too many crime shows. Then, our mutual friend who also has "C" (and owns the cabin) called, texted, and FB'k me yesterday at work. She didn't say it was urgent, but to call her.  So, I waited until I was home last night.

She was beside herself and crying.  She wanted to know if I knew that "P" had passed away.  I screamed, was shaking, felt numb. What?! I said I had been trying to get a hold of her post the cabin trip. I was soo confused. She was "ok". Our friend said well, she never made it to the cabin. She got admitted to the hospital for severe pain, chemo started immediately, and she passed away two days later. She was already cremated, no service. All this was last week!!! "P"s husband just called the friend yesterday to tell her, after the friend had texted her yesterday am. Just saying this all again makes me feel sick.  "P's" videos sit next to my tv awaiting their return.........

Enter the demons of binge eating lying in be continued tomorrow.

Hugs to all of you!

Sunday, May 12, 2013

Happy Mother's Day and Status Quo....

Happy Mother's Day to all of you mom's of kids, mom's of fur kids, or those celebrating with your moms, or reminiscing about your moms!

I hope you enjoyed a beautiful day.  We sure did here.  Holy Cow, it was in the 90's!  Felt like summer was here already.  I managed to get to the gym early this morning and do a brief workout before it got way too hot.  I really ended up pushing myself while at the gym yesterday and wasn't feeling so great from it.  That led into this morning, for which I almost didn't go.  But, I made a deal with myself that I'd go but take it easy.  And I did. Just did 30 mins on the treadmill and that was even a struggle.

The family went out to lunch today which was nice.  It's always nice to see everyone and spend some time together, because we definitely don't see each other enough.  Hubby and I looked up what to have before going, so we stuck to the plan.  It wasn't that great though. :(  Always a bummer when you are "limiting" your intake.  It's like a one shot deal, so it better be worth it!  We then went to check out computers because I need a new laptop.  My screen died a few weeks ago and I'm really missing being able to sit on the couch, watch TV, and peruse the internet.  A first world problem. :)  

Weigh In was status quo for me yesterday.  Was hoping to lose a little, but with the big loss last week, I kind of half expected to stay the same.  I have finally figured out my body's rhythm I think.  Hubby lost another 1.8 lbs, yay him! :)  And my friend that joined WW had a nice big first week loss.  That's always a nice motivator! I really enjoy our meeting.  It's a good group of women, the leader is fabulous, and I always learn something new and feel motivated. :)  This month we are working on more mindful eating. Hmm, I guess that would mean not being on the computer, watching tv, and eating at the same time. :)

So, we've been ordering our dinners through this great healthy organic gluten free service which has been a godsend to us to help with our weight loss journey. Well, they left 3 weeks ago to go on maternity leave, so we've been scraping by and counting the days to their return.  Only, we got an email this weekend saying baby still hadn't arrived and now they may need a c-section recovery.  Oh heck!! We are actually going to have to plan some dinners for awhile! I know, that sounds awful.  But with our schedules, it really is! :(

Well, tomorrow is Monday......Again....... I am so looking forward to a day off in a few weeks.  I just realized I haven't taken a vacation in a year (and that really wasn't a vacation!).  I feel the need to possibly start planning one, for next year.  Just need to have something to look forward to and get excited about.  Hoping we will be very close to our goal weights by then too. :) :)  Maybe we will squeeze in a mini break in the coming months for some R&R at our special cabin getaway.

Alrighty, time to say goodnight and so long!  Again, hope you enjoyed a beautiful day!


Saturday, May 4, 2013

Happy May and It's Been a Good Week!

Happy May Everyone!
I cannot believe it is May.  Time is just flying by.  As it fly's by, I'm glad to say the pounds are flying off with it! :)  So, had a great Weigh In today so I'll get to that first.  Lost 4 lbs this week!  That makes for a total of 33 lbs since Jan and 43 lbs since exactly a year ago. :) :)  I also earned my 16 week staying with it charm.  4 months!  I couldn't be more thrilled.  Husband lost 2.8 lbs today for a total of 21 lbs so far. :)  We've lost over 50 lbs together!  He can get his arms around me now when we hug! :)  Ah, yes, it's the little things that matter.  It was a hard few weeks for him to get that last few pounds off to his milestone.  But I knew he would do it, so I got him a surprise for when he got home today.  A new Ipod Nano and some cool t-shirts. :)  He was like a 10 year old opening birthday presents!  It made me so happy. :)  My friend also joined me at WW today, so it's great to have her along now as well and encourage and cheer her on!

This week was overall another pretty good week for me.  Felt pretty good.  Was able to avoid the donuts, pizza, and daily food truck extravaganza at work last week!  The gym workouts were quite good.  I've shaved 1.5 mins off my Mile time, and have been increasing the workouts to 45 minutes. I had some wacky dreams every night though which was different!  One was where I was working in a nursing home and I was passing out toilet seat covers! huh?!  Then, I was at my high school reunion and we were partying it up.  There were other strange ones in there too.  Bizarre!  I've had a chance to start getting out and seeing friends again, so that has been very nice.  I have really missed that so much with all the illness stuff going on with me.  To update on the last blog, saw the Gyn and was basically dismissed.  Was not happy about that at all.  In fact, went into a total funk and started crying of all things!  She basically was like why are you here.  Refused to do an exam.  Said: You're 41, hitting peri-menopause, and that time of the month will get weird now which can cause GI havoc.  Why gee, thanks.  Hadn't thought of that! Anyhoo, for now, just going to be grateful for the reasonably normal mostly pain free days I've been having and move right along until I have to deal with it again. :)

Things are great!  The sky is blue, the air is warm (until tomorrow!), the lizards are running about, the body is cooperating, work is busy, the dogs are their normal stubborn selves, and I'm being nice to and taking care of myself. :)  My hope for you is that you are doing the same! :)

Love and Cheers!