I'm Back!!! :) :)

Season's Greetings Y'All!
Oh my gosh it feels like it has been forever since I've been on here!  Well, it has been.  Basically Oct/Nov/Dec were up and down and all over the place for me.  I had gained 15 lbs back (man, it sure doesn't take long!!) and was going into December not seeing any end in sight.  I was really really having a tough time and I was binging again.  Not good.  But, I recognized that and knew I needed to take some serious action before it got too too much worse.  At the same time, I realized I had 144 hours of vacation time of which 100 needed to be used by 12/31.  So, I scrambled to try to find a wellness retreat/resort I could go to, to start breaking the bad cycle I was in.  I really wanted to go to Rancho La Puerta in Mexico, but they were booked all of Nov/Dec.  I then found Red Mountain Resort in Utah which looked great.  Only problem was, it was difficult to get to (plane plus 3 hour drive) and it was going to be way too COLD!!!  No way.  I needed something semi not winterish. :)  Then, I stumbled upon Shane Fitness Resort in San Antonio, Texas.  I knew nothing about it, but I asked a lot of questions, and it seemed like what I needed.  A getaway with structure, no Starbucks, no desserts, and lots of fitness!

Well, I just got back from an 11 day stay there!  Wow, it was great.  I really needed this and it did exactly what I needed it to do.  I broke the binge cycle!  The food was so clean and healthy, and fantastically good!  Amazing how you feel when you don't put crap in your body.  I ate salads twice a day with meals, tons of fruit, complex carbs, and good lean protein.  No diet soda or sweets.  No sweeteners or preservatives.  Only natural stuff went into this body!  I also limited the caffeine to 1 cup of coffee in the am, 1 cup of tea in the afternoon.  And then 80 oz of water a day.  And now for the fitness part.  OH MY GOSH!!!!  We did 3 workouts a day of 1-2 hours each.  I didn't know I had it in me to do this!  We did circuit training, boot camps, hikes, treadmill intervals, and we walked Walked WALKED everywhere!!!!!!  The resort was HUGE.  I have never walked so much getting from one place to the next.  I opted for no elevators, and took the stairs the whole time. I was sweating so much, I had to shower twice a day and change my shirt twice.  It was nuts!  By Day 2, I thought I had been hit by a truck.  Every muscle fiber in my body was screaming.  It finally calmed down by about Day 5 and I wasn't as sore.  I even did 3 miles today before I left to catch my plane!  My biggest success is that I have never run before.  It's so weird, but I don't know how!  I've tried a few times and it feels awful, is weird, I can't describe it.  I was mentally freaked out by it.  The trainer worked with me, and by the end I was able to jog some intervals. :)  Now, to try it on the treadmill which also totally freaks me out!

The Shane Fitness Resort was like having a private trainer and nutritionist by your side.  The ladies were awesome!  So caring, knowledgeable, fun, and just fantastic people.  There was only 1 other woman in the program with me, so it was just all around great!  There were also a few behavior classes, cooking classes, and clothes styling.  The other woman had been 3 weeks.  I will definitely consider going back next December again as the holidays are my most difficult time ever!!  Oh, and I came back 6 lbs lighter and several inches smaller!!  I FEEL GREAT!!! :)

While I was there, I read a really great book by Deepak Chopra called What Are You Hungry For.  For anyone that struggles with weight or food issues, I cannot recommend this book enough!  It has been a really wonderful read with lots of good, sound insights.

Finally, over the past several months I found a new OB/GYN and a holistic practitioner that specialized in women's issues.  I had been having a lot of very weird random symptoms over the past year and after talking to a friend (thanks T!) and doing some internet searches, I was pretty certain I was in peri-menopause.  I finally saw these doctors (who were great!) and they ordered a bunch of tests.  Low and behold, I am very low in DHEA, low in testosterone, not converting thyroid well, still very anemic, and low in Vitamin D.  Guess, what?  Yep, in peri-menopause.  Whoopie!!!!!  Welcome to the 40's.  I have a follow up appointment tomorrow with the doctor, so I will find out all the lovely supplements I must start.  Anything to help me feel better and be able to lose weight.

Well, now it's time to crazily get ready for Christmas in 2 days.  Yikes!  Hope you all are doing very well.  I may not be getting Christmas cards out in time this year, so if not - Wishing you a very Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!  I cherish each and every one of you, and value our friendship!!  I hope the new year brings you much joy, happiness, good health, success, and prosperity!

It is good to be back.... for good this time! :)  Love and hugs to you all!

Cheers,

Jessica

The Good, Bad, and Ugly of this Journey. I'm Climbing out of the Ugly...

Well, I did it.  I got wayyyyyyyyyyyy off track!  And I can't even blame the holidays…. because they haven't even happened yet.  Yikes!!  One month of binge eating and not caring can really do some serious damage.  Up 10+ lbs. :(  I say 10+ because it was 10 last week at WI and I'm not going today.  I know I should, but I just can't.  I can't bring myself to see the new number (and I need rest still).  Instead, I made a pact that I would start tracking again, blogging, and go for a walk - TODAY.  Tomorrow, will be even more of an on plan day.  Baby steps.

I know what happened and I've learned a lot (MORE) about myself, yet again. Those dang frequent learning opportunities!!  What blindsided me is that I actually made it through the planned happenings pretty okay (conference, trip, meeting, vacation).  It was the sort of sudden, train has left the station with no brakes thinking, that the 1 week during all the other planned happenings needed to be filled with um… (not relaxing and being on track) but buying a new car.  Yep, buying a new car started my spiral out of control.  Who would have thought.  Well, I should have.  It was that same sort of stressful situation mixed with heightened emotions that got me in this 286 lb mess to begin with (i.e. planning a wedding, buying a house, selling a condo, adding 2 dogs to our family).  Before I knew it, I was at the donut shop buying 6 donuts and Sees Candy buying a box of truffles, at that was only the beginning.  Holy heck.  What did add to this car buying stress, is that they completely messed up my financing and it took a week to settle.  I was also extremely fatigued and feeling really crappy post return from vacation.  Every day was getting a little bit worse. Good excuses to need massive amounts of Starbucks drinks and takeout food, and not go to the gym!

ED (eating disorder) LOVES excuses!  Every day I felt a bit worse, and let's see, today it would be helped by Thai…. the next day Mexican…. the next day burger, shake, and fries, etc.  Now I was caught in the trap.  The trap that yes I started feeling crappy for some unknown reason, but now I'm SURE the food was perpetuating this crappiness and making it even worse.  Enough excuses, and I finally dragged myself to urgent care this week.  Well, I was exhausted because I was seriously dehydrated.  Hmm, all that caffeine I was adding, well that sure didn't help.  They gave me a bag of IV fluids and I stayed home the next day and drank electrolyte water and gatorade.  I also had a local infection and a bit of a cold. Explains the crappiness.  I've been on the antibiotics 2 days now and I am starting to feel a bit better.  Taking it easy this weekend for the most part so that I can feel better, get my head on straight, and get back on track.

As I was once told, with disordered eating, it is not if you slip but what happens when.  Because, it will happen.  Not once, not twice, but many times.  As soon as you have caught yourself, you do the next right thing.  And then, the next right thing after that.  And after that, and after that….  Pretty soon, you've picked yourself up, dusted off, and started down the road again.  

Sure, it's not fun losing and gaining the same 10 lbs, etc. again and again.  It's definitely not ideal.  But, it is still better than, and a long ways away from being all the way back where you started.  This journey may be 1 year, it may take 5 or 10 years.  Who knows.  But as long as I'm on it, it means I'm alive and breathing and there is another day to see the sunset and another day to make a fresh start (and get out of the ugly!)

Cheers to that!

Jessica

Hitting the Re-Set Button!

Hello There,

Happy Fall!  I love saying that.  Now if the weather would just get a little bit cooler!  Well, I survived the last 2 weeks.  I'm sooOO happy that is over.  Things all went well for the most part, but I'm worn out.  The 3 day meeting was a lot of sitting and eating.  And eating and sitting.  I did well the first day.  Even took a long walk at Seaport Village. But the second day, it was all over.  They had amazing food.  Not typical catering food, but the Manchester Grand Hyatt Restaurant food!  Even a freaking candy bar with all my favorites!  I did avoid any alcohol to not complicate matters.  But, man, I was hyped up on coffee and espresso beans.  Each night I got home around 10pm and then had to work because I had a deadline amongst all this.  As soon as the meeting was over Saturday, I went straight to the gym and did a 5K.  My WI for that week had me gaining 2.4 lbs.  Yikes.  I had gained 0.8 lbs the week before.  So, I was really worried about what was still to come.

The next few days were crazy at work, but I was able to be back on plan.  Did some very long workouts each night, which I think saved my butt for the next week of insanity.  My colleague and I then headed to Madison, Wisconsin for a vendor meeting.  What a cute college capitol town!  I loved it.  Again, I did well the first day of travel.  Packed my lunch, ate a healthy breakfast, but had Mac and Cheese (with cheese curds, buffalo chicken) for dinner.  Yeah, that pretty much set the tone for the next few days.  Cheese Curds galore!!  They were raw, they were broiled, they were fried in vodka batter.  They were even on the healthy beet salad we ordered.  They were everywhere!!  The second night, I had, yep, Mac and Cheese again but with Pulled Pork.  Lunches were not light either.  It was more pasta and tons of desserts.  WW, healthy eating, what's that??!!  Yeah, I pretty much lost my mind and what I was supposed to be doing.  Even went for the regular Coke, M&Ms at night in the hotel room.  It was like every bad habit I had (and had gotten rid of) had come back!  It was even topped off with a dinner stop at Jack in the Box the night I flew back.  Say what??!!!  I felt soo horrible and ill.  I was very happy to get back on plan Saturday.  In fact, I got up pretty early and went straight to the gym.  Walked 4 miles!!  I was starting to not feel so ill anymore.  I went to my WW meeting and was really dreading what was about to happen.  I vowed I would not let it get me down, but we would hit the re-set button.  Much to my crazy surprise, I lost 0.2 lbs.  Huh??!!!  Seriously??!!  I was surely expecting a gain of about 5.  I'll take it!!  I think all the exercise I did before I left and the 4 miles helped things.  Now to be back on track for the next 3 weeks before I leave again to Virginia.  This I do promise needs to be a better attempt at balancing health with food enjoyment.  My hubby will be with me, so I think it will be slightly easier to help keep each other on track.  Plus, a lot of walking will be involved!

Sooo very proud of hubby!  He hit a big goal, and has lost 52 lbs so far. :) :)  He looks good and is catching up to me!  Well, it's time to shuffle off to the gym again.  Just taking it easy today and catching up on house stuff.  TOM has arrived, so that makes the next few days oh so fun.  NOT!! :(  Just glad it didn't grace me with its presence during the trip and hopefully it will bypass the VA trip as well.  I have another all day offsite meeting this week with catered food all day, so will opt to eat breakfast at home and skip the dessert.  Need to make this a good week and get back on the losing train!

I hope you all have an awesome and successful week!!

Cheers,

Jessica :)

Yellow Caution Tape Up - Brutal 2 Weeks Ahead

Hello All!

How are you on this fine Sunday evening?!  Me, I'm beat... exhausted..... toast.... fried... tuckered.... washed up..... spent.... empty...... you get it!  I'm officially in the brutal days and weeks of September.  I apologize in advance if you don't hear from me much until the end of September! :(  We have a big 3 day 15 hour/day work meeting this Thur/Fri/Sat downtown at the Manchester Grand Hyatt.  Which will probably be filled with pretty crazy long days leading up to Thursday.  Then, I go to Wisconsin for 3 days for work following that.  Just hope I can get in some exercise somewhere and stay decently on plan the next 14 days.  I've worked too hard to slip and gain a bunch.  The reality is, I probably won't lose over these 2 weeks.  So, my motto is: Minimize the damage the next 2 weeks.

Last night I was not looking too forward to the plans I had.  One of those things that sounded okay at the time, but was turning into being not so fun.  Rarely do I go into something not looking forward to it and just wanting it to be over, but last night was one of those times.  But, I was pleasantly surprised. :)  It turned out better than I had anticipated, kind of fun, and I was able to stay on plan for the most part.  That was a big worry! I'm glad we went.  But, I'm also glad I didn't cut my workout short yesterday so we could be on time.  Was able to still get in a 5K and only be 20 mins late.  Was worth it!

Today, I stayed in bed until 9:30am.  What???!!!!!  Yeah, that's crazy for me.  I'm usually out of bed walking the dogs by 7am.  I just couldn't get up.  When I finally did, I was so out of it and dopey.  After an hour or so, I dragged myself to the gym.  Was really tired but I don't know what it is about exercise - as soon as I start, all the tiredness is sucked out of me and I'm in athlete mode. :)  I ended up doing 20 min fast hill interval walk, 15 min elliptical, then back on the treadmill for another 30 min hill interval walk, followed by an extra 10 minutes so I could finish watching the Chargers game.  Yay!!!!  They actually pulled it off and WON!! :)  Oh man, I was sore when I was done.  So what do I do?  I go to the strip mall, park at one end, and walk clear to the other side to the grocery store, back to the car.  Then the bank, back to the car.  Then Starbucks, back to the car.  Did I forget that somewhere I said I was freaking tired and SORE!!!  Geesh.... I got home and was a vegetable on the couch for an hour before we had to leave again to drive to my nephew's bday dinner.  That was nice.  It was great to see everyone, been way too long!  Was able to avoid the chips, fabulous queso, and margs to stay on plan.  I'm learning and it's getting easier to focus on the people and conversation versus the food when eating out.  At these events, IT IS NOT JUST ABOUT THE FOOD! :)

So, for WI this weekend.  I was up 0.8 lbs.  Not sure what that was totally about, but I could tell I was having fluid issues again this week.  Ankles swollen. :( At our offsite meeting Thursday I did indulge in the dessert they served, some incredible caramel apple bread pudding pie thing with creme fraiche drizzle.  It was definitely worth all the pts!  Oh well, moving on to this week.  Hubby lost 1 lb.  He's now 1 lb from 50 lbs lost!!  So excited for him.

Well, it's time to get this weary girl to bed.  Hope you had a wonderful weekend and aren't having as brutal days of September!  Have a fabulous week and be kind to yourself and others. :)

Cheers,

Jessica

She Shoots, She Scores!!!! Goal!!!! :)

Happy Saturday y'all!

Oh my heck it is still freaking hot and humid in San Diego!  We've had the AC on 24/7 at home, the car, and at work.  Can't wait to see this electric bill!! :(  I hear it's supposed to break early next week.  Thank Heavens!!!  Hope it lasts for awhile.  I actually broke out the shorts today! :)

I can tell you though, I feel so much better right now going through this heat wave and being 60 lbs lighter!  YEP, I said 60!! :)  I lost that 0.2 lbs last week and then some!  1.6 lbs to be exact. :)  Soooo thrilled!  So, 61.4 lost since Jan and 70 since last year. I'm also only 2 lbs away from being half way through what I need to lose in total.  Plug in Bon Jovi song here.....Woah  Ohhhh, I'm half way there!!!!  Woah Ohhhhh!!!  :)

I really didn't know what would happen at WI today.  TOM is in town so I've eaten more points than normal.  I've had way more caffeine then water and I'm retaining fluids like crazy!  I did work out a lot this week though.  Got 34 activity points which is my most yet!  Did 2 5K's last weekend and an extra workout last night.  Thank gosh for big industrial fans at the gym!!!  Hubby had a great loss too, 1.6 lbs gone!! :)  He is so close to being down 50 lbs!  T had a great WI too and got her 10%!  Soooo happy for you!!  You are doing it girl!  And J, holy cow, just caught up with her and she is just 13 lbs away from Lifetime GOAL!!  Amazing!!  It is soo inspiring and encouraging to be around all these folks reaching for their goals and taking charge of their health.  Now is the time!!!  If you haven't started but want to, it's a great time to join WW.  One month free!  Let's do it together!

Also, for those of you interested in joining me and some friends - we will be celebrating my birthday by doing the Iron Girl 5K on December 8th in Del Mar.  Looking forward to this!  I can give you a discount code for joining our group, so just let me know if you are interested.  This one is just for the girls. :)

Well, not doing too much this weekend.....again!  Just surviving the heat, going to the gym, and relaxing.  I have a crazy next weekend and 2 weeks after that, so just enjoying the downtime right now.

Hope your September is off to a good start!  September is the new January, a great time to make new commitments and goals or strengthen current ones before the holiday months hit!  What will you do different this year to get through the holidays in one piece with less padding added?! :)

Cheers,

Jessica

I'm a TEEN Again!!! :)

Greetings from Florida!  Well, not really.  But, San Diego has been Florida West this week.  Ugh!!!  Sooo stinking hot and humid.  HUMID and gross!  It doesn't sound like it is going to end anytime soon. :(  This weather makes me want to do NOTHING!  Even the dogs can't stand it.  We open the front door, and they are like....Oh HELL No!  We'll hold it mom and dad.  Yeah, sure you will!

I had a horrible night sleep last night.  I stayed up until 12:30am on the computer.  I finally dragged myself to bed and the girls heard me, jumped up, and wanted to get into bed.  Okay, fine.  We climb into bed and I'm in a great sleep, for about an hour. When one of them jumps off the bed.  Then starts growling, because she wants to get on the bed!  I get up, help her.  Back on the bed we go.  About 20 mins later, I hear dogs around the neighborhood barking.  I'm like, oh great.  Please don't hear them.  Tooooo late!  Both jump off the bed, running around the room, barking and woofing.  Back on the bed.  Let's jump off again, cause this is fun to keep making mommy get up at 2am!  This goes on for another hour.  I finally fall asleep, they are calm, and then they hear hubby get up to use the bathroom.  Oh heck, off the bed and here we go again!  I finally told hubby you deal with them, and I went out on the couch and tried to sleep a little more.  At 6am he finally walked them, now they were happy as apple pie!  Mommy goes back to bed, only to "oversleep" and be rushed for the 8am grooming appointment.  Oy vey!  Girls, please let mommy sleep tonight or there will be deadly consequences!

Sooo, had a GREAT WI today!!! :)  I lost 4.4 lbs!  Woo hoo!  I am 0.2 lbs away from having lost 60 lbs since January.  That also pushed me over an interim goal and now I'm a TEEN again!!!  I have not seen the two teens since 2008!  217.  I like the sounds of that.  It is totally doable to be below 200 by the end of the year, which makes me SUPER EXCITED!!!  Hubby had a good WI too, down 0.8 lbs. :)  I've been mixing up my workouts a bit, 40-60 mins of different interval walking on the treadmill at between 3.0 and 3.5 mph and 2% and 6% incline.  I throw in some elliptical for 10 mins when I'm bored.  To celebrate today, I headed straight to the gym and did a 5K.  Thank gosh for air conditioning and BIG industrial fans!!  I have made a pack with myself that when I hit 200, I will start focusing on weight training more.  You see, I HATE weights.  I don't know why, but I really find it soooOO boring.  I can walk for hours, but do weights for 20 mins and somebody shoot me!

I hope you are enjoying a wonderful holiday and long weekend!!  I'm going to be sure to get some more relaxing in, as I have a crazy September coming up with work travel, big offsite meetings, etc.  I just want to get through this month in one piece.  Then it's time for some fun in October with not 1 but 2 BON JOVI concerts and a conference in Virginia followed by a weeks vacation with hubby to see DC for the first time.  It's all good............ :)

Cheers to you and hope you are keeping on track and reaching for your goals!

Jessica

Well Poooo, Up 0.2 lbs. Whatever!! :)

Happy Sunday!

I hope you are enjoying a lovely weekend!  It's been a pleasant and relaxing weekend.  Finally caught up with my friend Fri night as it had been FOREVER!  Sooo good to see her and chat. :)  Saturday, I just had a lazy am.  Hubby went with me to the WW meeting which was nice.  He had a great loss, 2.2 lbs!  Yay, him!!  I couldn't tell what would happen with me.  Had a great week, worked out a lot, but who knew.  Well, POO on the scale!  Up 0.2 lbs.  I was up 0.8 lbs last week post the trip.  Was okay with that.  I guess up a pound total from traveling is not bad. Think my body is a little delayed at times in gaining or losing.  My WW friend had a nice loss though.  You go girl!!! :)  After the meeting we stopped by to see my friends who had just moved close to where our meeting is.  Was sooo great to see them and the new place.  It's very cute and cozy, and they are doing very well! :)

I didn't let the gain derail me, so went straight to the gym.  My knee has really been hurting the last few days from PT.  The therapist went all out this time and I think it was too much.  My knee just ached.  In fact my entire leg hurt.  In light of this, I thought I would go easy at the gym.  I always think that! :)  But, then something kicks in and I'm off.  I did an interval 5K (up and down hills) at various speeds over 3.0 mph and finished in 57 mins!  Then, I walked like 10 more mins.  Why?!  I was pretty sore after, so took some advil.  That helped a lot!  Just had a lazy night at home which was nice.

Slept in a little today and I felt much better.  The leg/knee didn't hurt at all.  I ran my favorite weekend errand: over to Torrey Hills to hit up Vons, Bruegger's Bagels, Starbucks, and Dirty Dogs.  I can get so much done in an hour!  I love Bruegger's Skinny Cut Light Smoked Salmon Sandwich.  Yum!  Add my Ice Grande Nonfat 3 pump Mocha with foam/no whip, and that is a blissful weekend breakfast treat!  I am about to head off to the gym.  Don't think we'll do a 5K, but that's what I always say.  haha! :)  Then, hubby and I are going to the movies to see The World's End.  It looks very funny.  I love British movies.  I never watch the VMA's, as I stopped watching MTV like in the early 90's.  BUT, I heard there may be an N'SYNC reunion tonight, therefore I gotta check it out.  I know, I'm weird.  I wasn't a huge N'SYNC fan in the day, but I did go to their concert at the Stadium.  Did I just admit that?!  That was nuts.  Almost got in a brawl with some women.  Seriously, security was called!  C, do you remember that?! :)  I'm safer at a Motley Crue concert than I am N'SYNC! :)

Well, hope you all enjoy a fabulous Sunday and a great last week of August!  3 day weekend next weekend...... Hip Hip HOORAY!!!! :)

Cheers,

Jessica

Challenges, Schmallenges!!!

Well, Ugh!! Thank gosh I don't do a lot of travel for work, because it is one thing I have yet to Master in this journey of weight loss and quest for health! For 4 days, all we did was EAT!! Well, and SIT!! Here's how it went:

Monday - TOM arrived, just in time to join me for my travels.  :(  And it was a BAD one!  Extremely bad back pain, very very heavy..... I'm convinced things have changed and I may have a fibroid.  It could explain how I became anemic out of the blue.  Well, I see the gyn soon so we shall find out.  Anyhoo, I get to deal with this on top of EVERYTHING else this week.  Boo.....  So, up at 3am to leave for a 6:30am flight. Ate a regular breakfast at 4am. Actually felt okay and wasn't too hungry. Ate an apple around 10am. Packed a healthy lunch, but by the time I got to eat it (now 3pm East Coast Time), it was warm. A warm tuna sandwich and yogurt (oopps!) that the TSA made me throw out. At this point, skipped the lunch and checked in to the hotel. What? You have to give me a large chocolate chip walnut cookie? And it's warm?! Why sure, I'm STARVING! Then, met up for dinner with colleagues at 7pm. I actually did pretty well. One bit of appetizer, fish dish with veggies, a few bites of dessert, and a sip of wine. 

Tuesday - Was a disaster! Ate breakfast at the hotel at 7am (omelette, potatoes, bacon, toast). Then, got to meeting to only find THEY had ordered breakfast for us. I resisted for several hours, but then complete boredom and overwhelming tiredness set in. The carbs were calling.... Slice of pound cake. Then, it was lunch. Sandwich, chips, pasta salad, cookies, and REGULAR Coke! No one believes in Diet out here! Next, the 3pm slump set in and coffee and a brownie sounded great! At 6pm, it was straight to dinner with 10 people. You know, one of those fancy let's order everything on the menu, wine and cocktails flowing, and desserts all around to share! I was full. No, I was OVERFULL!! NOO, I WAS ILL! A bad bad sign when things are spinning and the stomach is turning. I sooo wish I had my adjustable bed at this moment! Had a horrible night sleep because had to sleep sitting up due to acid reflux, was in pain from being so full, was wide awake because all of my body's energy was being spent trying to keep everything down and digest it!! Ugh, tomorrow can't come soon enough!

Wednesday - Not again, will we have a day exactly like Tuesday! At least this time I learned fairly quick! Usually I repeat Tues for the whole trip and then wonder why I'm up 10 lbs! Sooo tired from no sleep. But, ate a very light breakfast at the hotel. Coffee at the meeting and a 1/2 danish at 11am. At 1pm, time for lunch: small sandwich, water, salad, large cookie. Ignored the candy! 5pm drive back to the hotel. We stopped at Dunkin Donuts on the way back. Ice coffee and a chocolate cake donut. The thought was better than it was! Way too sweet and the donut just wasn't very good. Soo disappointing. :( Skipped the invitation to another dinner out at a fancy restaurant, and went to the gym at the hotel. :) 40 mins of walking. It was painful. But, glad I did it. Except now, it was 9pm and I am hungry! Ordered room service, except they don't have great healthy stuff at 9pm at night! Grilled cheese sandwich and fries. Not a great choice. Gosh this sucks. Not full like last night, so hopefully sleep will be a bit more restful tonight.

Thursday - Slept better last night except for loud tv's blaring on either side of my room!  Vowed to make this a pretty OP day. Most of the group had left already and we were to leave at 6pm, so there wouldn't be as much available food. Or, so I thought.  Did a light breakfast at the hotel. Stopped at Dunkin' Donuts (again!) on the way to the meeting.  Why?  Because it was there.  Not a good answer.  Got a different coffee and donut this time.  Coffee was still WAY too sweet!  Boo......  Got to the meeting, and they had brought in all sorts of Starbucks pastries.  Go figure.  Ignored them.  Before I knew it, it was time to order our lunch.  All they do is EAT back here!!  I ordered a Philly chicken cheesesteak.  Why?  Because it seemed like the thing to do.  Not a good answer.  It was HUGE!!!  I ate half and threw the rest away.  It was now time to head to the airport.  I was getting a little hungry so I got a pretzel before the flight.  On the flight I ate the donut I had bought earlier that day.  It was better I must say.  Got home around 10pm and went straight to bed, skipped dinner.  Friday it is completely BACK ON TRACK and hit the gym! 

Friday - Oh holy heck do I have to go to work??!!!  I am soooo tired.  I have a sinus headache from HELL!!!  And, I'm starving.  Stopped at Starbucks to get espresso but that was it.  Managed to stay on plan Friday.  The headache finally went away in the afternoon.  Then, I had to go to my first PT appt for my knee.  I think it helped.  Then, made my way to the gym and did a 5K+!  Didn't expect to do that, but I felt pretty good and heaven knows I needed the exercise and calorie burn after all that!  AND, TOM has finally left town!  Woo hooo!

Saturday the scale will be what it is going to be, and then MOVING ON.  It's only a blip, a pebble in the road. Step right over it and keep on going!!! It does not define you, you are not a failure! Vacations and work travel are hard. I will have to keep trying to find a way to be successful with them, but there were a few tiny victories along the way. Just need a few more, and then a few more, and eventually it will be success! :)

Step over those pebbles in your path and keep on going! 

Cheers,
Jessica

3AM is going to come too darn soon tomorrow.......

Hi Y'all!
Hope you had a great week and wonderful weekend!  It has been soo pleasant here as far as summer's go.  I'm not complaining one bit!  I love this weather compared to "real" summer heat.  Which I may get to experience all too soon.  I have to get up at 3am tomorrow because I have a 6:15am flight to Philadelphia for work.  UGH!!!  Gosh I hate these early flights!  I'll be there most of the week visiting several of our different vendors as we get ready for our big clinical trial study starting up in September. It is surely a crazy time right now at work!  I'm hoping I can get a little exercise in there and eat reasonably well, but the food is all catered each day and then we have a dinner out every night.  Yikes! I'm glad the last 2 weeks have been successful in terms of WI!

So YES, I lost 3.4 lbs this week!  I was actually pretty surprised.  I stayed on plan but I changed up the exercise.  I didn't do a Sunday workout because I went to see Sister Act the musical (entertaining!), and my other workouts during the week weren't as "hard" but I did do interval hills for the first time.  Guess it paid off!  I've lost now 56.4 lbs since January and 64.4 lbs since last year! :)  WOW, I can't believe it!  I'm 1.2 lbs away from the two teens!!! :)  I have not seen that number in SOOOO very long!

Also, I went shopping today to get a few new items for the trip and I was pleasantly surprised to find that I finally FINALLY dropped a size and sometimes 2!  You see, in this whole time that I've lost this amount of weight, I have not really been able to go down in pant size.  Sooo frustrating.  My body is just like that though.  My pants grow 3 feet long and the crotch hangs down to the knees and the legs are huge, but the waist is exactly the same....... so same size pants!  NOT ANY MORE!!!  Was able to go from a 24 to 20, and in some cases from a 1X to XXL! :)  I also bought my first pair of jeans (with a belt!) since I was probably 16!!  You see, if you know me or have noticed, I NEVER wear jeans.....because I don't OWN a pair of jeans!!  I'm hoping being this much thinner will make the airplane ride more comfortable tomorrow.

Hubby lost 1.8 lbs this week, so he's continuing to do awesome!!!  He's started exercising everyday now which has helped.  In last week's blog I was saying how I didn't have any vacations planned or things to look forward to lined up.  Well, that changed quickly!!  Thank you to my friend Joan for sending me some conference information about a conference in VA in October!  I jumped on it, booked flights, booked the house/dog sitter, hubby and I put in for time off, and we are going to VA and DC for a week!!  I can't wait.  I've never been to DC or VA, and am thrilled we are going in the Fall and for our anniversary!  A week ago I had no vacations planned and couldn't figure out where to go.....hmm??!!! Funny how life works! :)

The other big news this week is that my sister got engaged over the weekend!  They were at a big outdoor 3-day concert in San Francisco and he asked her there.  I haven't heard all the details yet, but I saw the ring and I approve!! :)

I also figured out why the cravings were soo bad last week.  Partly the "nothing fun planned issue" but mostly TOM was coming. :(  Of course, it has to be here while I am traveling!  :( I've also been having some bad back pain for the last several days.  It's different than my "usual" back pain.  Right now my back is on fire from my waist up to the middle of my back.  I've been icing, taking ibuprofen, and muscle relaxants.  I do hope it gets better, or certainly not worse during this trip.  A little nervous.

Well, it is now an hour closer to that 3AM wake up call, so I better hit the hay.  Hope you have a wonderful OP week and fabulous Monday!  Be good to yourself. :)

Cheers,
Jessica

Where does the time go??!!

Hello To Y'all!

I can't believe I missed a blog entry last week and now it's the end of this week already.  Good grief!  Where does the time go?!!  I've always said (especially with this weight loss journey) that time flies and it WILL fly, with or without you.  So you might as well be on the losing end of things as it continues to go by. :)

So, to get things up to speed: I stayed the same wt last week.  I was okay with that after 2 weeks of good losses.  Hubby got within 0.2 lb of his big milestone.  Soo close!!  He wanted it soo bad.  To wait another week, patience.....  Last weekend I got the bright idea to do a 5K on the treadmill all at 3.5% incline.  The last 15 minutes sucked, as my heart rate was at like 160! I feel uncomfortable when it is that high.  But, I did it 2 minutes faster than the formal 5K.  Woo hoo!!  

We had several birthdays at work last week, so I was designated Sprinkles Cupcake picker upper.  Yikes!  Never gone into that store and not bought 1 (or 2 or 6!) for myself.  The first run, no problem.  Just got 2 for the coworker.  In and out.  The second run, had to get a dozen for my depart.  NOW I wanted one.  I did have one that day, and it was freaking awesome. Lemon Meringue Cupcake.  Just like the pie! Yum!! Later that day we were having cake as well (oh, and my boss brought in pastries for breakfast!).  In a split second, I almost gave into the WHAT THE HECK, just go for it!  What saved me was that I looked at the cake and it was from Vons.  Yuck!  Now if it had been Costco or a bakery, that could have been another story! :)  But, I skipped it. :)  I had already eaten my breakfast by the time I saw the pastries in the am, so saw no need there. :)  We also had a day where there were 10 boxes of bakery donuts.  My work is a food fest some weeks!  I had been resisting the donuts for weeks and weeks.  Finally looked up the points, and it was 10 for one. Hmm, not really worth it. So, I took a 1/4 of a chocolate cake one.  Enough for 3 bites. Know what? 2 was ok, because it was not yummy!!! :( So disappointing. But at least I only wasted 2.5 pts and not 10! :)

I've been pretty busy and stressed with work the last several weeks.  9-11 crazy hours/day, 8 hours of sitting in meetings, too much to do.  I long for the good boring days of old!  It's going to be this crazy through Sept, possibly Oct.  I have to muster up every ounce of energy in me to make it to the gym after work.  I've been getting home to eat dinner around 8:30 or 9pm at night.  Poor hubby is the single dog parent holding down the fort lately, picking up the slack.  I have to travel to Philly for 4 days next week.  For MORE meetings and driving to 3 different companies.  Sure hope it is not brutally hot or humid.

So with all this work, stress, and lately not much fun/relaxing on the weekend (house stuff, errands, gym), I am in a RUT!  I sooo need a vacation but don't have time to figure it out or then take it before October.  Boooo......  I need to find something local and just take a long weekend away from it all.  I want to go on a week long spa vacation out of state (like Utah), but that will probably have to wait until the Fall.  I've noticed when I get in a rut and don't have anything exciting going on or planned for the future, guess what, all sorts of NOT SO GOOD FOR ME YUMMY FOOD start calling my name! The cravings come back. Everything looks good. I want variety. I want excitement. I want to feel "GOOD". I want a pick me up! I WANT TO EAT!!  Helloo over eating and binging! I've been fighting it off the last several weeks, but it keeps coming at me and I keep ducking. Like a video game, asteroids whizzing by!  I don't know how long I can keep this up. Really need to book the vacay's!

So, it was a good WI this weekend. Lost 1.6 lbs. Yay!! :)  Wasn't sure how it would be as I felt like I was getting a bout of diverticulitis again this past week. :( Hubby blew past his milestone and lost 1.6 lbs too! :) Soo proud of him!

So, time is gonna fly by. Will you be onboard towards your goal?! :)

Cheers!

Doing the Happy Dance! :) Hello Roaring 20's! :)

Happy Weekend to you!!
I hope you all are enjoying a nice weekend.  So much going on in our town - from Comic Con, to horse races, to Over the Line tournament.  I'm ignoring all of it (except for all the out of town yahoo's I encounter on the road!), and opting to just take it easy this weekend.  I have kind of had that "I don't wanna" attitude the last 48 hours.  Luckily, I snapped out of it enough to finally get my rear to the gym later today.  I've had a great week of working out.  Have felt great, no real aches or pains other than the fractured toe from the 5K.  I increased my speed to 3.4 mph and incline to 3% this week.  Have been doing 35-40 min walks and then 10-15 mins on the elliptical at level 4 five days a week.  These increased workouts and 5Ks the last two weekends have really paid off, which I'm thrilled with.  I lost 3.8 lbs this week, to give me my 50 lb loss charm! :)  That brings the total to 51.4 lbs since January and 61.4 lbs since last year.  AND, hellooooo 220's! :)  Gosh, I haven't seen you since my wedding in 2010!  My doctor was giddy with happiness yesterday.  Not to get ahead of myself here, but when I saw that number, I was like, WOW, 199 is not that far! :)  I mean, if I've come this far and done 60, 20 feels totally doable and within reach!  It is a shorter distance to keep going forward now, than it is to go back!

I try not to give myself many food rewards as that is one of the reasons we got into this predicament in the first place!  But, TOM just ended and I was still craving red meat.  Soo, a Habit burger and fries it was tonight for dinner!  Dang, it was almost orgasmic. haha!  I savored every bite.  It was freaking awesome and worth all 27 points!  As our leader said today, it better be a party in your mouth to be worth it.  It was!

The last few weeks of this journey have been, um, dare I say... fun?! :)  I've actually been enjoying the journey, the process.  I like seeing what new things I can do, or fit into.  It's like opening a Christmas present every week! This week I climbed the 3 long flights of stairs at work next to my CFO while talking the whole time (and not stopping, or keeling over at the top.....or, opting to take the elevator!).  That felt awesome.  I have to fly in August for a work trip and I'm not even panicking about not being able to fit in the seat or buckle the seatbelt.  Those worries are gone!

I'm excited and grateful to have you all along on my journey and I'm even more thrilled to be a part of and support and celebrate yours!!  Hubby lost 4 lbs this week which brings him oh soooo close to a big milestone.  Hoping he gets it next week! Was so happy to hear from a good friend today and she is doing well on her journey. I'm just beside myself for her that she is in a good place and making forward progress. Yay! :)  Three other friends are chugging right along on their journey, stepping over pebbles and not letting them become boulders.  Ladies, we ROCK!! :)

I wanted to let you know of 3 upcoming 5Ks I'm thinking of doing and would love to have you join me!  It would be great if we had a "team"!  They are more for fun then they are about the times.  They are: Bad Prom 5k (in October), 80's 5K (November 2nd), and Iron Girl (December 8th).  What a great way to celebrate my anniversary (friend's bday too!) and then my birthday.  With health and friends!  Let me know if you want to join in!

Alrighty folks, that's enough happiness and celebration for one day. heehee! :)  Wishing you a beautiful Sunday and be good to yourself (and others!).  Hugs.

Cheers,
Jessica

A Brutal but Satisfying Week........

Happy Saturday to you!!
I cannot be more thrilled it is the weekend!  I  hope you are enjoying the beautiful weather.  Oh my aching head this was an absolutely insanely brutal week! :(  But, I survived.  Work has just become crazy crazy crazy the last few weeks.  So many deadlines all at once, too much work and not enough time, too many meetings, vendor dinners, and conflict.  Add to that working 12 hour days, eating lunch at 2pm, finding the restroom once a day, and not getting to the gym on regularly scheduled days, and you have got one VERY grumpy girl!  Calgon, take me away!!!!!

But, I got a bit of satisfaction for all my trouble and hard work lately.  I finally got my promotion!!! :)  Just call me Mrs. Director now. :)  I say finally because I was told I was being put up for one about 3 months ago.  It just seemed to drag on and on.  I tried not to think or worry about it.  Politics like crazy were going on.  At one point a month ago, I even inadvertently found a document (left on my desk!!) that listed everyone approved for promotions.....but my name was not on it. :(  I tried to think positive that maybe there was a reason or that wasn't the final list.  I hate being in limbo!!  Days went by and I soon pretty much forgot about it.  Until Wednesday, when my boss called me out of a meeting to tell me the news, and he hugged me!  I think he really had to fight for me, as there is only so much money/people that can be promoted each year.  I was very grateful.  But, now that I am a Director, it means I get an office in the new building we are moving to in December!! :)  I got to go pick it out.  Hope I chose right.  Couldn't be more happy!  No more personal calls talking to drs on the phone about UTI's or yeast infections, where the entire world can hear!  Ugh!  I think I'm most thrilled about the office!  I am nervous though.  Because, now I have to be part of the Steering Committee meetings and other many long meetings that include our CSO and other "C" level folks.  Hope things can come out of my mouth coherently when needed! :)

I did manage to get to the gym on Wed and Fri (my normal off days) to make up for what I missed.  I had some great workouts.  I've been doing about 50 min of cardio now, 5 days a week, and trying to up my speed or incline level every week.  I feel great!  I got a charm today for the 5K we did last week and I'm looking forward to the formal Blood Bank 5K tomorrow morning.  The fruits of that labor paid off this week, as I lost 4 lbs at WI!  Yep, I hit another goal, 230! :)  I'm only 3 lbs away from getting my 50 lb charm!  Cannot wait! :) I feel good in my clothes.  I actually look forward to getting dressed in the am and choosing what to wear, instead of dreading the few items I could fit into that make me look like an unmade bed.

Hubby didn't have such a great week, his first gain since he started. :(  But, he's pressing on and not letting it derail him!  We are a team, in this together!  This has been a lifestyle (not a diet) that we can definitely live with for the rest of our life.  We have committed to WW in that it will be a part of our life until the end (6 ft under end, not goal weight end), just as AA is for other folks.  But, I'm definitely enjoying the splurges along the way though too!  It is not about deprivation, but about incorporation and moderation and finding balance.  Wednesday evening I enjoyed the most scrumptious butterfish dinner, a piece of appetizer, skipped the alcohol, and shared 3 small desserts with 8 people.  Now that's the way to do it!  Enjoy and satisfy your taste buds, without all the points!  Friday we had lunch catered at work and I ordered a very yummy shrimp salad.  It was so good, I didn't even use dressing.  But much to my surprise, dessert was ordered too.  A toffee brownie cupcake like thing.  I've been resisting all the "extras" at work since I started, so I gave very little thought (internal debate) to this and just had it, enjoyed it.  Of course, everything I indulge in, I account for.  Gotta keep it real and honest.  And, it was worth every bite! :)

I hope you all are finding satisfaction in your daily lives and if not, put that on your list to try to seek out this week and incorporate!  It makes all the difference in the world when working towards a long term goal.  Cheers to you and have a fabulous Sunday!

Can I Have Another Day Off, Pleaseeeeee???!!!!

Hello Ya'll!

This is coming to you from a blurry tired eye slightly sunburned exhausted girl. Who sooooo does not want to go back to work tomorrow! I hope you all enjoyed a very Happy 4th of July and great weekend! Let's see if I can even remember the last 5 days?!

Wednesday evening I hit the gym for a long workout after work and then grocery shopped for the 4th. Thursday am we spent getting ready for family to come over for a BBQ and fireworks on the evening of the 4th. We paced ourselves with the shopping, picking up, cleaning, etc. But of course, let's throw in steam cleaning the carpets in the am! They looked great, but uh oh, they were damp.......for a long time. Go figure! :) Oh, and a car wash! I'm weird like that. When the cleaning or organizational bug strikes, it's on fire! With all the racing around and being on my feet all day, I earned 4 AP without being at the gym! Wow! As soon as all the people and food arrived, I took a few minutes (more like many) and tracked most everything I was going to eat and figured out how much I could have. It was really yummy food! Cheeseburgers, hot dogs, potato salad, beans, broccoli slaw, fruit, veggies, guacamole and chips, mini cupcakes, and brownie bites. And some Mike's Hard Light. I enjoyed every bite of everything! Things went as planned for the most part. Didn't end up having alcohol though. But, did have a few more chips/guac and an extra brownie bite. Wanted some more, but I really was full. All in all, it was a 68 point day. Holy cow, I've never eaten all my daily points and almost the 49 weekly in one sitting. I'm glad I saved the points! The hubby on the other hand, he used most of his weekly points LAST Saturday which left him with only a few for the 4th. Poor planning! :( But, he did okay. :) After the fireworks, I had to come in and do some work until 1am because I was taking Friday off but my co-worker needed a document. Sooooo tired.......

Friday I went to the gym and did a hard workout. Over the last week, I've increased my speed to 3.3 mph and 3% incline for 30 minutes. I've then also added the elliptical for 20 minutes at level 4. Going to try to move it to level 5 next week. Then, we met our friend at the movies. That was nice. We shared some light popcorn which was tasty. Since we had WI the next morning, we opted to eat dinner at home (which consisted of yummy leftovers!).

Saturday we went to WW meeting and WI. Hubby went with me because he got his 10% award! :) He also lost 2.8 lbs. Even he was shocked! So proud of him! I wasn't sure what would happen for me, but wanted a loss of anything. I got it. :) 0.8 lb loss. I'll take it! Then, off to the gym for another long hard workout. Later I met my friend for dinner and that was so great to catch up. Since I had had so many burgers and hot dogs the last several days, I opted to not have steak at the steakhouse. :( Bummer. But dinner was good. And we did well OP, considering we were there for 5 hours with a bread basket in front of us! She's also doing great in her weight loss!! Got home late again and crashed hard.

Which brings me to today, Sunday. I could not fathom going into the gym AGAIN. So, hubby and I went to Liberty Station on the water and walked 3.61 miles! It was great to be outside. But, it was warm and sunny! I wanted to do a trial walk of the 5K I'll be doing next weekend. Yep, no problem. :) But from the sun, wind, heat, etc. my eyes are dry, tired, bloodshot, and ready to close!

It was a very nice weekend but now it is time to put this weary girl to bed. Because, I did poor planning, and hubby took tomorrow off (but not me)! Wishing you all a spectacular week and Happy Monday! Cheers to Health and Happiness!

Sometimes You Just Gotta Go with the Flow.....

Hello Y'all!

Hope you had a great weekend and stayed cool wherever you were! Holy moly it was in the 90's at our house. Yuk. Sooo not a hot person. But, I will say that being 53 lbs lighter from last summer did make a difference. I was not one giant dripping water faucet sweat ball! :) And, I was able to work out during it. Sooo happy we also put in the air conditioning late last summer. Sure made sleeping better.

So, first up is WI. Lost 2.4 lbs. :) That puts me at hitting another mini goal! Spoke with my leader Marie about my varying WI's lately. We looked back over my tracking. My points level is fine, but I need to get more of the healthy guidelines in. I don't tend to have any dairy more than 1 or 2 times a week. I don't get 8 glasses of water (more like 4). I get 2 fruits, but probably 1-3 vegetables. I also sporadically get the oil in. Ugh, this is going to be tough. Those aren't some of my favorite things, so I would rather "spend" my points on a dessert, or larger portion size for lunch/dinner. Going to work on the dairy this week. Wish me luck! I've also been doing the same exercise routine for awhile, so it was suggested I switch it up a bit. I'm such a creature of habit, I like my routines!

I had a big NSV (non-scale victory) that I keep forgetting to mention. When I was at my highest weight last year, I had back pain when I slept. So bad, that I would toss/turn, get up every hour, or finally get out of bed at 6am because I couldn't take it anymore. I was very sleep deprived. Strangely, the back pain only happened when I would lie down. As soon as I was upright, life was good. So I spent a lot of money on a new and adjustable bed. It seemed to help for a bit, but then after losing 50+ lbs, the back pain was back! :( Huh? I'm confused!! It was horrible, constant, and every drug under the sun wouldn't make it go away. I didn't know if it was my scoliosis, herniated disk, weight, or what. I was getting desperate. But then, almost 2 weeks ago, I adjusted the bed so I'm basically in a zero gravity position and guess what... No Pain!! It's not a great sleeping position, because I love sleeping on my side, but it works for now. So happy to not wake up every hour or stiff as a board in the morning. :)

This weekend I had to kind of go with the flow. I had plans pretty much the whole weekend and we were having a heat wave! I woke up Saturday am with the most absolute worst sinus headache, stuffy nose, and earache. I thought, ok, just go to WI and then come home and rest. It got worse at the meeting, so I couldn't wait to get home. Rested most of the day, took meds, and by 5pm I was feeling a bit better. So, I went to the gym. Actually had a GREAT workout! But, by the time I got home and had dinner, I was now dealing with stomach issues. It was like I got a 24 hr flu. Hubby was even sick! We both called it a night and crashed early. I was ok in the am, so went to the gym. But, had to cut the gym short. Wonky stomach was back in a big way. Wasn't sure I was going to make it to see the friends today and pretty much waited to the last minute. But stomach calmed down. Had a very nice visit, and now home resting again. Sometimes, you gotta take not just each day, or meal, but each moment, one at a time.

Hubby lost 0.2 lbs, but it was enough to give him his 10%!!! Yay hubby, what a great job! And a friend hit a great milestone too! :) And, so proud of another friend that has started on her journey! Here's to the journey to health and living with ease and peace!! :) Have a great week and stay cool!

Cheers!!

Riding the Roller Coaster of Weight Loss (and Life!)

Hello!

Happy Summer and hope you enjoyed a lovely weekend! Holy cow it has just been beautiful here and it's getting warmer. Not so thrilled with that part. I'm a 70s girl, not 80s or 90s. Yuk! I had a pretty jam packed weekend, so not much rest. I did have 2 great workouts. Although, I bought new shoes and man did I get the sore feet and blisters after today! ;( Hoping I can adjust them and they'll be better tomorrow.

So, had a feeling WI wasn't going to be great yesterday. My ankles have really been swelling even with taking the diuretic! I had a feeling I was retaining. Up 2.2 lbs. Yep, so I guess this is how it's gonna be. Riding the weight loss roller coaster. Up 2, up a little more, down a huge amount, repeat. So weird. So, I was thinking today that I need to come up with some new reward goals. It could be awhile before I hit scale number goals, but that doesn't mean I'm not making progress or doing the right things. So, I am thinking of goals like: increased exercise and maintained for a week; able to fit into a size lower clothing; 1 or 2 activity points hit on my non-formal workout days for a week; walking a 5K, etc. I think having those things on the list will help.

I was so happy for my friend who reached some big goals yesterday! Hubby is also doing well. He lost 2.2 lbs, cause he gave them to me!! Haha! :) He is so close to a goal and huge milestone. So excited for him. But men stink! :) I have to kill myself practically 5 times a week to lose (I mean gain!) anything. He has not formally worked out yet and is not hungry one bit ever, and he loses every week.

But speaking of gaining and losing. I had good thinking time today while I was driving to see my friend, and one thing that popped in my head was the weight I was on my wedding day, and the weight I was when I entered the program last year. The bad thing was I had gained 65 lbs in 2 years. Ugh, not good! But then, you know how people always say "the weight didn't come on quickly, so you can't expect it to come off quickly". I'm usually like, yeah yeah yeah, I know. But then it dawned on me.....It took me 2 years to gain 65 lbs, so why do I think or expect it to come off in a year or less?! If it takes anything less than 2 years, then I'm doing good!! :)

Had a great visit today with a dear friend who I hadn't seen in WAY too long. So glad we could finally get together.

Well, it's Monday again soon and we are back at it. Wishing you all a great week!

Cheers!

Now THAT was a Good WI!! :) On the Road Again.......

Hello!
Happy Saturday to you, and Father's Day to all the dads, grandpa's, and doggie daddy's!  What a crazy week I had.  So glad to have no big plans this weekend really and just rest, do the normal routine, and some house stuff.  Work kicked my butt last week with big deadlines, long hours, frustration, and being tired.  I have a feeling it is going to be like this for awhile.  I need to get more sleep then!  This week I stuck to the WW plan, like I do every week, but I did eat a few less weekly points.  I also started back on my diuretic, as my ankles were just out of control swollen to the point that my legs were hurting.  I hate taking it because I feel dizzy and just not all there, but I know it helps.  Just did the low dose though.  I got in a bit more water this past week, but I'm still way off the mark.  Ugh, it's soo hard for me!  I love water when I workout, but that's about the only time.  This diuretic dries me out even more, so I seriously need to drink, drink, DRINK!  I had some good workouts.  Gave myself a pass on one day because my body felt like it was hit by a truck!  Slowly it got better, and by today I did a really hard fast workout and shaved another 45 seconds off my mile.  Now doing 2.5% incline at 3.2 mph, and about an 18 min mile.  Yay!

Today I cleaned out half of my closet and got rid of the items that were too big or that I was keeping, but are totally out of style.  I kept one of the largest tops and pants as a reminder, but all the rest are gone.  I needed to make room for some new clothes. :)  Yep, I will not b*^$h and moan ever again about gaining weight while sticking to the plan.  Thanks so much for all your encouragement, reassuring words, and weight loss words of wisdom!!  It helped a lot.  I learned a lesson these past few weeks.  The body is unpredictable, and if anything it is a slow "learner".  It will do what it is going to do and regulate when it is ready, but keep to the plan and you will come out ahead at some point. :)  Cause I lost 6.8 lbs this week!!!!!!!  I was shocked.  I knew I was losing this week, because my clothes finally felt looser, not annoying or tight.  But wow!  I'm very close to another milestone goal and I can practically touch it! :)  Feels great.  So happy to be back in the 30's again.  Down 42.3 lbs since Jan, and 52.3 since last year!  Hubby was so proud of me that I came home to a sweet card and a gift card for more music to power my workouts. :)  I was also proud and happy with myself that I was able to persevere and stay on track when I was soo frustrated.  I have not binged or used food to cope in over a year now. It almost feels like a long distant friend that I'm losing touch with.  And I'm okay with that!  Tackling one hurdle at a time is the name of the game.

Hubby lost a 1/2 lb and is so close to his next milestone, 10% loss!  So happy for him.  We are a great team. :)  I am thinking of signing up for a 5K soon, but it needs to be right for my first one.  Not too early, near the water/cool breeze, etc.  Picky, Picky! haha! :) I think I'd like to do one down at Liberty Station because it's flat, near the water, has restrooms, etc.  So, that is on my list of goals.  If you'd like to join me and keep me company, or meet one of your goals, let me know!

Here's to a great rest of the weekend and hoping you all are doing well and enjoying summer!  I'll leave you with some motivational thoughts: You don't drown by falling in the water. You drown by staying there.  Rule your mind or it will rule you.. :)  Thanks again for all your support, it means the world and helps me stick to this journey!

Cheers!

Going in the Wrong Direction!

Hello out there!
Happy Saturday to you all.  I'm soo happy it's the weekend. :)  The rest of this week was much calmer.  I went to the dr yesterday for strange sharp chest pain on one side that came on all of a sudden when I breathed deep all week.  As for the pain, I was pretty sure it wasn't heart or lungs because I continued to workout all week and didn't keel over.  The true test! Ha! :)  Turns out it was Chostochondritis or more specifically Tietze Syndrome.  Huh?!  It is inflammation of the cartilage that joins the ribs to the breastbone. Tietze syndrome (sounds like a bug!) is accompanied by a localized swelling at the painful area (the junction of the ribs and breastbone).  It can be caused by a respiratory infection (which I had possibly very minor symptoms of), otherwise it is of unknown origin.  Great, add another strange medical ailment to the list!  I'm a new doctor or medical student's dream. :)  I am feeling better now, so at least it was short lived and I didn't waste my weekend at urgent care.

At the drs, they weighed me, but I declined to look.  I only go by the WW scale.  But, the WW scale has become my red double horned beast with a pitch fork and wicked smile!  I was really wanting a loss at WI today, after the "unknown" gain last week.  Honestly, I didn't know how it was going to go. Again, I had this inkling that it would be a small loss if any.  Gained 0.2 lbs!  What? Are you freaking serious??!!  Okay weight loss Gods, what is going on?  I was not happy.  It put me in a bit of a foul mood to be going backwards.  I mean, I could totally be okay with it if I knew it was because I was splurging or enjoying some great food or dessert or drink, but I'm not!  I've avoided the alcohol, the cookies, the donuts, the cake, the catered lunches at work.  I've even had longer cardio workouts lately (i.e. 3 miles!).  Soo, time to analyze the situation.

I am being tested!! Kidding. A few things went through my head.  1) My ankles have been quite swollen lately so I think I'm eating too much salt, and I know I don't drink enough water.  That will be my number 1 goal for this week!  2) Am I not eating enough? Perhaps.  This one is always hard for me to figure out. I eat all of my daily points, usually half of the weekly points, and don't convert activity points to food points.  It was working for me, I'm not usually hungry, but now I'm confused.  3) Our dinner delivery service has been on maternity leave so we went to a new service.  They are individual meals with the nutrition on them, low-carb, from a fitness place.  Could the nutrition labels be wrong??  4) I've been eating out a bit more at mom and pop type places (that don't have the nutrition available), but I order healthy the best I can and tend to overestimate on the points (or so I think!).  I'm in a quandary.  I will not have a third week of gain you scale devil....I will defeat you!

Started by going to the gym this afternoon and had a fast paced long workout.  It felt good.  Cut 20 seconds more off my 1 mile time.  Hi-ya karate chop evil scale devil, you are toast!

Last week at our meeting, a woman who lost 80 lbs spoke.  It was perfect timing, because I sooo needed to hear this.  She said, the first time she did WW, she had lost 30 lbs (needed to lose about 50). One week she gained 5 lbs.  That threw her into a funk and derailed her, started the spiral down and weight back up.  When she got around to doing WW the second time, she now needed to lose 80 lbs.  She said, gaining 5 lbs puts you still closer to your goal and further from the starting gate.  It's only 5 lbs.  It's a week, two, maybe 3 weeks of setback.  Let everything fly out the window and it's a year or two of setback, and further from the starting gate to goal.

This is keeping me motivated in a time like this.  Because in the past, I would have thrown the towel in and said ef''it, if I'm going to gain I might as well eat all the good stuff!

Hubby lost 1 lb for a total of 30 lbs! Excited for him, I can notice his loss. :)

Enjoy a fabulous Sunday!

The Last 6 Days...But, Today was a New Day! :)

Well, today was the first day that I was able to come up for air in about 6 days.  It's been a crazy 6 days at that.  It was a yuck week for too many people I know.  From losing pets to pets being hospitalized.  Then, I spent several days working on things for P's Celebration of Life on Saturday.  Our friend C, who also has "C", was organizing most of it in conjunction with P's husband.  I had emailed everything I needed to do to C but hadn't heard back.  Then, she called Thurs night to let me know she was in the hospital and may not get out in time.  Oh heck!  I was very worried about her, had no idea how I was going to take over last minute because work was insane and we had a meeting offsite Friday.  I was stressed.  Then Friday all heck broke loose at work, fires to put out, and I had to leave for the meeting. Ugh!  I could feel my blood pressure rising. We got back and I stayed at work until 7pm, on a Friday night! :(  No fun!  I was exhausted.  I still had things to do for Saturday, and figure out the plans for Sunday-getting to the play American Idiot downtown in the middle of the Rock and Roll Marathon and buying presents for the family birthday dinner Sunday night.

Saturday am C called to say she got the program done and sent to kinko's, FROM HER HOSPITAL BED! She was to get discharged at 11am, run home, and then come to the Celebration.  Insanity.  She worries me. I made it to the gym in the am and then to weigh in.  I had this feeling all week I was going to gain. Didn't deviate from the plan, other than just ate more weekly points cause I was hungry..... but yep, way to go! Gained 2.2 lbs.  I expected it so I wasn't too upset, but it definitely meant I couldn't deviate at the Celebration.  So, we ate before we went and headed over.  It was a nice turnout.  It was good to see old friends and colleagues, but not under these circumstances.  Her husband was just devastated. It broke my heart. I was happy we could do this for him (and her). The last 2 weeks since her passing he was putting in all the things into the new house that she had wanted.  Tore me up. I hope she knew how much he loved her, because he really did.

The Celebration was filled with great food (none for me), perfect prayers and poems, beautiful program, stories, tons and tons of tears, and some laughs. We were getting ready to leave, when P's childhood friend who had flown down for the day from San Fran had this chaotic look of panic on her face. I asked her if something was wrong, and she said she just got a call that her mother died and she had to get back to San Fran asap. Oh my gosh!!! So, we all jumped in my car and rushed her the 30 or so miles to the airport. How awful.  I've had enough sadness and grief this last week to last a year.  Hear that universe?! :)  Once she was safely off, we headed home. Mind you, I'm starving now!! I am emotionally spent and have no energy to figure out something decent for dinner, so we do a hamburger jr. and small fries from Burger King. :(  Should have had the dang party food, would have tasted a lot better!

Sunday, I woke up at like 5am. Why?! Laid in bed, got some coffee, and figured out how to get to the play. Thought it would be a nightmare, but it turned out to be pretty easy.  Yay for small miracles! After the play, I walked 3 miles and went grocery shopping.  Then, it was off to meet the family for a late dinner.  Can I go to bed yet?  Pretty please??!! Finally got home around 9pm and basically couldn't sleep the whole night. Seriously? Really really wanted to take Monday off.  But, didn't. So, dragged myself to work to only have this crap week continue-under the gun for a huge deadline yesterday, 300 page document crashed near the end and wasn't auto-saving.... Left work about 7:30pm, no gym, and I'm a total grouch and can't see straight!! Grrrrrrrr!

But, today was a new day! :)  I did have a few good things happen. I got to go clothes shopping..in my closet! :)  New things to wear! Had great friends by my side during this week.  Had some good workouts. And, I'VE GOT LESS THAN 100 LBS TO LOSE!! :) Yay!

Cheers!

Goodbye 40's, Hello 30's! :) Yay for the long weekend!

Happy Memorial Day Weekend to you all! First, thank you to all of you have served, are serving, or have lost someone who has served.  We honor and remember each of you!

Last week was a loonnnnnnng week.  So it seemed.  It was a decent week but for some reason I woke up 3 days in a row at 5am.  WHY????!!!!!!  Even did it again this morning, on a Saturday!  Ugh, hope this is not a new trend!  Soo, I'm a wee bit tired.  Have plans to see several movies this weekend, catch up with some friends, do errands, and definitely get some workouts in.  I hope you all are enjoying your weekend so far!

I had a nice surprise of a weigh in today.  I honestly didn't expect much since TOM was in town.  I always feel so yuk then, so I really can't tell if I've lost or gained.  But, I lost 3.6 lbs!!! :)  That put me out of the 240's and into the 230's, 239.6 to be exact! :)  So, down a total of 38 lbs since January and 48 lbs since last year.  Wow!  It feels good!  Hubby had a great weigh in too, down 3 lbs for a total of 27 lbs. :)  Friends had good weigh in's today too and I was soo excited to welcome a dear friend back!  You go girl, you can do it!! :)  This is so fun to have so many of us on this journey to health, and succeeding!

I celebrated with a friend today for her birthday and decided to indulge in Sprinkles Cupcakes - only 1, Chocolate Peanut Butter. :)  I ate that thing sooo slow, savored every bite, and it was perfection!! :)  But oh heck, I actually kind of feel sick now.  No, this can't be!!  Perhaps my body can't handle this much sugar?!  I'm still glad I spent all 15 points on it, cause that was a worthwhile point hog! haha! :)  Gotta have some food enjoyment in life on this journey! :)

Okay, time to put this tired girl to bed.  Enjoy your weekend!

Made it Through the Week................

Hi Everyone!

I hope you are enjoying a beautiful weekend!  It is sunny, breezy, and pretty warm here.  No May Gray lately!  So, last week was a tough week. :(  Monday and Tuesday were by far the worst in learning and dealing with my friend's passing.  I went through so many emotions, a state of shock, a brain shut down, overwhelming numbness/dead feeling, and an incredible urge to binge on Sprinkle's cupcakes.  But, I used every tool and skill in my arsenal that I have learned the past year and I rode it out.  Felt every bit of it.  Let it passed as it needed to.  Took care of myself.  Did a lot of "parenting" and self-talk.  Leaned on friends and shut down emotionally some too.  And it all SUCKED!  That was not fun being endured without medicating with food!!!  But on the other hand, I DID IT!!!  I survived!  I know what it is like now, it can be done, I learned some valuable things, and I think the next time a difficult situation arises it might just be a little better since I've been down that path now before.  

I miss my friend "P".  But, as the days went on, I was able to work through the anger, the sadness, the questioning, and come more to acceptance and understanding.  I am also happy to say that we will be having a small celebration of life for her at her house with her husband in a few weeks, so that gives me peace and a sense of closure.  Her husband also finally reached out to me, which I know had to have been extremely hard.  Each day will get a little easier....for all of us.

So, the scale agreed with me at WI that I was able to get through the week successfully! :)  I lost 1.4 lbs.  Yeah!  Hubby lost 0.8 lbs.  We are still going strong, working the plan, and looking forward to being even lighter and healthier!  Been getting some compliments lately which is VERY nice and motivating. :) :)

I kind of fell off the wagon this past week with eating vegetables.  Went for more the carbs, processed foods.  Although, I did pretty good on the water!  I had some good workouts at the gym.  Even made a personal best of breaking the 20 min mile!  I'm a pretty slow walker (short, short legs, short stride!), so that was huge to be 19 min! :)  I also had to climb several flights of stairs at work and friend's houses this past week and noticed it didn't even phase me.  No gasping for air at the top. :)  Yay!!!

Here's to a good week and wishing all of you the same!  Reach for your goals and if you get side-tracked, pick the path back up right where you left off!!

Cheers,

Soooo Many Things Running Through My Head and Body........

Well, the last 24 hours have rocked me to my core. I'm sick to my stomach.  I'm numb. I'm anxious. I'm sooo horribly sad. I'm angry. My mind can't grasp the new reality. I have so many questions that will go unanswered. I have regret in that I didn't do more, wasn't there more. I have guilt for feeling angry and sad, because maybe this is what she wanted. I have fear because this was exactly my nightmare of how I would never want things to happen. How does someone's 40+ years of life come down to just this. Life can be so cruel and yet everyday is a gift to be grateful for. I haven't had this many emotions running through me in a very long time.

My friend/co-worker "P" was diagnosed with Stage IV breast cancer last year.  I knew it didn't sound good. We both worked on Cancer Clinical Trials for our job.  But, from day 1 she fought and never let me think otherwise. She was so stoic. She had just started a new job when she was diagnosed. She continued to work thru all the radiation, surgery, and chemo. She even worked overtime! She sold her house, had a new house built, and moved.  Even brought me her outdoor patio furniture!  She only took 2 months off at Christmas when she needed full time oxygen. But, then she got better. Went back to work, started exercising, went to plays with me, and visited friends who also had cancer. She was always very concerned about my issues and well being, as I was in a bad place right when she was going through all of this. I couldn't be there for her as much as I wanted to be, which bothered me. She then had the follow up scan in Mar, and got news she didn't hope for. It had spread more. They ordered a 2nd treatment of chemo. She really really didn't want this. Out of all the issues with having "C", her biggest bummer was losing her hair. She was soo devastated about that. But I got her the name of a great wig place and hair dresser that specialized in medical hair loss (because unfortunately I have several other friends going through "C" as well). She was much more relaxed.  Her hair had just grown back from the previous treatment, and now she was going to have to lose it again. This was the first inkling that I got, a few months ago, that she was sad and really didn't want to do this. But she would. I got a call from her 2 weeks ago saying she needed to sell our play ticket because a friend was giving her the opportunity to use her cabin that same weekend. I could tell it was something she really wanted to do, needed to do, with her husband. I found someone to buy the ticket, texted her, and she was so grateful. I said to have a great time at the cabin! A few days later I texted her to say hi and have fun. I didn't hear from her. Okay. A few days went by and now I was thinking this was odd. That is not like her. Maybe she's busy getting ready for the trip. So, I opted to wait until Mon after the trip to text again and say I hope she had fun and when could we meet so I could give her the ticket money. Again, days went by. This was really not like her. I had this feeling something was wrong. But I didn't think "C", strangely I thought maybe they got in an accident. I watch too many crime shows. Then, our mutual friend who also has "C" (and owns the cabin) called, texted, and FB'k me yesterday at work. She didn't say it was urgent, but to call her.  So, I waited until I was home last night.

She was beside herself and crying.  She wanted to know if I knew that "P" had passed away.  I screamed, was shaking, felt numb. What?! I said I had been trying to get a hold of her post the cabin trip. I was soo confused. She was "ok". Our friend said well, she never made it to the cabin. She got admitted to the hospital for severe pain, chemo started immediately, and she passed away two days later. She was already cremated, no service. All this was last week!!! "P"s husband just called the friend yesterday to tell her, after the friend had texted her yesterday am. Just saying this all again makes me feel sick.  "P's" videos sit next to my tv awaiting their return.........

Enter the demons of binge eating lying in wait....to be continued tomorrow.

Hugs to all of you!

Happy Mother's Day and Status Quo....

Happy Mother's Day to all of you mom's of kids, mom's of fur kids, or those celebrating with your moms, or reminiscing about your moms!

I hope you enjoyed a beautiful day.  We sure did here.  Holy Cow, it was in the 90's!  Felt like summer was here already.  I managed to get to the gym early this morning and do a brief workout before it got way too hot.  I really ended up pushing myself while at the gym yesterday and wasn't feeling so great from it.  That led into this morning, for which I almost didn't go.  But, I made a deal with myself that I'd go but take it easy.  And I did. Just did 30 mins on the treadmill and that was even a struggle.

The family went out to lunch today which was nice.  It's always nice to see everyone and spend some time together, because we definitely don't see each other enough.  Hubby and I looked up what to have before going, so we stuck to the plan.  It wasn't that great though. :(  Always a bummer when you are "limiting" your intake.  It's like a one shot deal, so it better be worth it!  We then went to check out computers because I need a new laptop.  My screen died a few weeks ago and I'm really missing being able to sit on the couch, watch TV, and peruse the internet.  A first world problem. :)  

Weigh In was status quo for me yesterday.  Was hoping to lose a little, but with the big loss last week, I kind of half expected to stay the same.  I have finally figured out my body's rhythm I think.  Hubby lost another 1.8 lbs, yay him! :)  And my friend that joined WW had a nice big first week loss.  That's always a nice motivator! I really enjoy our meeting.  It's a good group of women, the leader is fabulous, and I always learn something new and feel motivated. :)  This month we are working on more mindful eating. Hmm, I guess that would mean not being on the computer, watching tv, and eating at the same time. :)

So, we've been ordering our dinners through this great healthy organic gluten free service which has been a godsend to us to help with our weight loss journey. Well, they left 3 weeks ago to go on maternity leave, so we've been scraping by and counting the days to their return.  Only, we got an email this weekend saying baby still hadn't arrived and now they may need a c-section recovery.  Oh heck!! We are actually going to have to plan some dinners for awhile! I know, that sounds awful.  But with our schedules, it really is! :(

Well, tomorrow is Monday......Again....... I am so looking forward to a day off in a few weeks.  I just realized I haven't taken a vacation in a year (and that really wasn't a vacation!).  I feel the need to possibly start planning one, for next year.  Just need to have something to look forward to and get excited about.  Hoping we will be very close to our goal weights by then too. :) :)  Maybe we will squeeze in a mini break in the coming months for some R&R at our special cabin getaway.

Alrighty, time to say goodnight and so long!  Again, hope you enjoyed a beautiful day!

Cheers

Happy May and It's Been a Good Week!

Happy May Everyone!

I cannot believe it is May.  Time is just flying by.  As it fly's by, I'm glad to say the pounds are flying off with it! :)  So, had a great Weigh In today so I'll get to that first.  Lost 4 lbs this week!  That makes for a total of 33 lbs since Jan and 43 lbs since exactly a year ago. :) :)  I also earned my 16 week staying with it charm.  4 months!  I couldn't be more thrilled.  Husband lost 2.8 lbs today for a total of 21 lbs so far. :)  We've lost over 50 lbs together!  He can get his arms around me now when we hug! :)  Ah, yes, it's the little things that matter.  It was a hard few weeks for him to get that last few pounds off to his milestone.  But I knew he would do it, so I got him a surprise for when he got home today.  A new Ipod Nano and some cool t-shirts. :)  He was like a 10 year old opening birthday presents!  It made me so happy. :)  My friend also joined me at WW today, so it's great to have her along now as well and encourage and cheer her on!

This week was overall another pretty good week for me.  Felt pretty good.  Was able to avoid the donuts, pizza, and daily food truck extravaganza at work last week!  The gym workouts were quite good.  I've shaved 1.5 mins off my Mile time, and have been increasing the workouts to 45 minutes. I had some wacky dreams every night though which was different!  One was where I was working in a nursing home and I was passing out toilet seat covers! huh?!  Then, I was at my high school reunion and we were partying it up.  There were other strange ones in there too.  Bizarre!  I've had a chance to start getting out and seeing friends again, so that has been very nice.  I have really missed that so much with all the illness stuff going on with me.  To update on the last blog, saw the Gyn and was basically dismissed.  Was not happy about that at all.  In fact, went into a total funk and started crying of all things!  She basically was like why are you here.  Refused to do an exam.  Said: You're 41, hitting peri-menopause, and that time of the month will get weird now which can cause GI havoc.  Why gee, thanks.  Hadn't thought of that! Anyhoo, for now, just going to be grateful for the reasonably normal mostly pain free days I've been having and move right along until I have to deal with it again. :)

Things are great!  The sky is blue, the air is warm (until tomorrow!), the lizards are running about, the body is cooperating, work is busy, the dogs are their normal stubborn selves, and I'm being nice to and taking care of myself. :)  My hope for you is that you are doing the same! :)

Love and Cheers!

Jessica

What A Difference a Year Makes.... And other ramblings :)

Greetings on a Spring Sunday Evening!
I hope you enjoyed a beautiful and relaxing weekend!  It was very pleasant and beautiful here this weekend.  I have the sunburn to prove it! :)  So much going on from Half Marathons, Triathlons, Art Walk, Adams Avenue Unplugged, I'm sure I missed a ton of other events to mention. Congrats to those of you ran/walked!

So, it's hard to believe that a year has already gone by.  A year ago this week I was in a not very good place, pretty hopeless, and trying to dig myself out of a very deep deep deep hole.  Problem was, after many months of trying (more like a year or more) on my own, I just couldn't do it.  It's amazing how powerful an organ like the brain can be (especially when it is not working in your best interest!).  Since 2010, it had just been one thing after another (not all bad, but life changes).  From getting engaged, to moving in together, to planning a wedding, (getting more and more anxious about not looking how I would have hoped I would look for my wedding, which just led to more weight gain!), to finding out I needed major complicated surgery (and trying to seek 2nd/3rd/4th opinions), to being laid off twice in 3 months, to turning down a full time job in hopes that the ONE I really wanted would come to fruition (stress! - but it did), to buying a house, to getting married, to selling a condo, to getting hit with mega taxes, adopting 2 not so easy to handle dogs, to hubby have a medical emergency.  I was EXHAUSTED.  I was sooooo depressed, hubby and I were constantly fighting, I was not sleeping more than 3 or 4 hours a night, I could barely drag myself to work (the place I absolutely loved!), the dogs were just too too much, and I was at my highest weight ever (285!).  The final straw was that I started having sudden major health issues: anemia, edema, high blood pressure.  All the makings of heart failure.  Things started spiraling out of control and very quickly.  I really thought that if things didn't somehow get under control very soon, I may not have a future - because there was no way I could live like this - every second a struggle.  Thank gosh for my doctor who is awesome and knows me very well, trusts me, works with me, and knows what I need. 

I took a leave of absence for 6 weeks to get things back on track.  I went to a local all-day program for binge eating, checked myself into a hotel for 2 weeks to get a true break, and had a very understanding husband who handled the rest while I was gone (with the help of great friends!).  It was the BEST decision I could have ever made for me, my marriage, for life!  I needed a Time-Out.  I knew I did, and was so glad that insurance finally agreed (don't even get me started on the issues and stress of trying to get insurance companies to recognize Binge Eating Disorder!).

Food has always been my coping mechanism..... for EVERYTHING!!!!!  For stress, for sadness, for loneliness, for being tired, for needing a reward, for boredom, for having to deal with medical procedures, for socializing.  The list goes on.  The day that was my rock bottom was the day I had after work gone to a McDonald's to get a coffee shake, gone to Starbucks and got brownies, and then went through Jack in the Box to get a hamburger meal.  I got home, had all this food, and didn't even remember doing it!  Let alone, why I had done it.... because I already had (and forgot about) the Starbucks, donuts, pizza, and cake that were ingested earlier in the day at work.  When food collection (binging) has become as automatic as breathing or driving, I knew I was in trouble and needed help beyond what I, friends or family could provide.

The program was a shock at first.  I completely broke down and lost it the first day.  This was not what I expected.  You were no longer in charge of yourself during those 10 hours.  Meals and bathroom visits were scheduled, supervised, and monitored. What??!!  I finally settled down by Day 3, and was in a groove.  The program wasn't perfect, but nothing (or anyone) is in life.  You make the best of it and take what you can.  The life skills I learned were invaluable:  CBT, DBT, art therapy, mindfulness.  I've continued with these advanced skills a year later, and it has made all the difference!  Our marriage is great, the dogs have settled some, work is good, the brain is finally working for me!  And, it finally allowed me to sign up for Weight Watchers (along with hubby!) and making taking charge of my health and losing weight possible. :)

On to present moment. :)  I had a great week last week in terms of feeling good.  Loved and was so grateful for every minute of it.  Then, mother nature decided to grace me with her presence.  To not get too TMI here, I really struggle with that TOM.  I always have since Day 1.  When I was younger it was practically debilitating until I found birth control in college.  Then, it became endurable but still not wonderful.  As I've aged and had to go off all birth control (blood clots in 2008), it's gotten worse, and weird.  The GYN thought it was due to the weight gain the last few years and I wondered about peri-menopause.  With the clear Abdominal CT Scan a few weeks ago, my doctor has now referred me to the GYN.  He is thinking endometriosis.  I'm like what??!!  I don't think so.  It seems a little far fetched to me, like why wouldn't this have cropped up and been diagnosed much earlier?  I have self diagnosed fibroids.  Yes, I'm very good at playing doctor (and quite good most of the time I must add)! :) :)  We shall see what the result is this week.  If it's neither, well then, the mystery symptoms continue.

Oh, Weigh In!  So, I'm up 0.8 lbs but not a surprise with mother nature.  Hubby lost 2.8 lbs.  Yay!!  I'm 1 lb away from 30, and hoping to work hard and make it happen this coming weekend. :)

Wow, that was a long post.  If you are still hanging in there reading.....THANK YOU!!!! :)  My friends, family, and supporters mean the world to me.  Have a great week and may you live and love each and every day!

Cheers!