When I work out these days, I try to push myself.  Not too hard, but definitely don't take it easy.  So most of the time while on the treadmill all I'm doing is listening to great tunes, watching the news or sports on the tv in front of me, and praying I will not keel over and this 30 minutes will go by fast.  The first 5 minutes are the toughest.  The 10 minute mark is a milestone.  Once that hits, 15 minutes comes pretty fast.  When at 15 minutes, 20 minutes is just right around the corner.  20 minutes puts me on the down slope and 25 minutes comes with excitement.  25 minutes gives me a surge of energy and I try to push it that last little bit.  30 minutes comes and I say THANK HEAVENS!! :)  And then I stretch a little and go get on the elliptical for 10 minutes.  The elliptical minutes seem to go by in slow motion.  Probably because I'm pretty dang tired at this point.  5 minutes is my saving grace!  Once I hit 7 minutes, I'm counting down the minutes to getting off and have completed my task.  I feel accomplished and good. :)

So, for the first time ever during tonight's workout, I wasn't just zoning out or focused on my breathing/surviving.  I had an Aha! moment as Oprah says. :)  I recognized my body as being separate from me.  Like a living breathing feeling human or animal.  The first feeling that came was Gratitude.  THANK YOU.  Thank You body for doing these 30 minutes at 3.0 mph/1.5% incline carrying 258 lbs, and you didn't really complain!  A minor twinge in the back, stiff legs.... but that's it!  Thank you feet for enduring this load and not breaking, or getting stress fractures or even hurting.  Thank you back for bearing this load and keeping everything intact and upright. Thank You heart for being so strong and in shape, even for having to do the work for basically 2 people.  THANK YOU!!  And then came sadness and being horrified.  Horrified that a living, breathing, feeling entity could be treated this way.  Made to bear this load, live like this for so many years.  No person or animal deserves this torture, this burden, this infliction of agony and pain.  You deserve to be set free! 

For 34+ years I saw this food addiction, emotional eating, binging as a way of taking care of myself, a coping mechanism, a good thing on some level.  It was the only way I knew how to take care of my pain, my feelings, my suffering, my being "different".  It was the best friend, boyfriend, child, one could ever want.  Always there, by your side, got your back. Ha! No pun intended. :)  But, that realization ended tonight.  I must take care of this entity, this body - for it lives and breathes and feels.  Just as a child or animal does.  When I put it in that perspective, I get very sad, because I could never EVER hurt a child or animal this way.  Puts a whole new spin on what we do to or put into our body.  I will probably never again think of my body like I did before tonight.  WOW!!!!!!!!!!!  And THANK YOU!